I don't know about anyone else, but in this family we celebrate Easter in the traditional way, marking the death and resurrection of Christ with the centuries-old custom of giving a dog in a bag...


It's interesting how the stuffed toy is given a sensible name like Rusty, while her real cat gets saddled with Shimona. Oh, and I apologise for the lack of focus. I was suffering from a chocolate hangover at the time, and chose the wrong setting on my camera.

To be honest, that wasn't even the video I was intending to shoot. I spent Saturday night hiding twelve chocolate chicks around the flat, and was planning to film Amelie hunting for them in the morning. Unfortunately she got up in the night and found most of them before I'd even turned the light on. I'll try again next year.

As it happens though, Easter wasn't the only excuse for a bit of gift-giving around here yesterday. It was also my niece's birthday. She turned 13, which was unlucky for anyone hoping to maintain a healthy waistline. So despite being stuffed full of chocolate already, we met up with the birthday girl and her parents yesterday afternoon, and together joined my parents for a family feast at Frankie & Benny's.

In the Lassie film above, Amelie states after two minutes that "I'm not going to take him to the meal". And I'm pleased to say that she's a girl of her word. The word being 'liar'...


That's my niece on the left. It might look as though she's reluctant to have her photo taken, but in reality, the head in the hands is just the default position for anyone sitting next to Amelie.

The good news is that she enjoys giving (almost) as much as receiving, so it wasn't long before we were handing over the gifts in the pink flocked paper...


That's not me in the background. Frankie & Benny's just happens to be popular with fat, bald blokes. And if you're not fat when you arrive, you will be by the time you leave.

So with the gift-giving done, we settled down to a refined meal of chips, burgers, pizza, pasta and sugar dissolved in fat. It was actually very nice, although I'm not sure Dr Atkins would agree.

The Frankie & Benny's menu is so extensive it could keep an entire African village going for a decade, but as one of David Cameron's working poor, with numerous cats and kids to support, I decided to opt for the rather limited 'Specials Menu' (as recommended by Terry Hall) which offered three courses for thirteen quid. Which was appropriate, given the birthday. So I was naturally devastated at the end of the meal when my brother insisted on paying. If I'd known, I'd have ordered the steak.

But still, I managed to put a brave face on it all...


I don't know which is more puzzling: the fact that my brother's seven years older than me, half the size and has managed to hold on to his hair; or the fact that Frankie & Benny have put a bust of Colonel Sanders on the wall.