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Sunday, April 01, 2012

When she got up this morning, Amelie told me that she'd been dreaming about cars and boats. She then added "I like cars and boats, but my favourite dreams are about potatoes". I'm not sure if that's an April Fool's joke, or just evidence that she loves chips.

But as it happens, I've been far more occupied with my other child this weekend. Deciding on a name for our baby last week meant that I could get on with the most important task facing any father-to-be: registering the website address. It's pretty much a certainty that both my children will grow up to be international superstars, so it's vital to bag them a dotcom at the earliest opportunity.

Having done so a few days ago, I spent some time yesterday creating the baby's website. I was still working on when Lisa was in labour, so I thought I'd start a bit earlier this time. I don't want to be late getting to the maternity ward, just because I'm editing a bit of HTML. Once was bad enough.

So the website's taking shape nicely, although it appears to be heading in a slightly psychedelic direction which makes it look like he's starring in 'Hair'. Amelie had understated pastels; the baby has primary day-glos. Frankly the web address should come with a complimentary pair of sunglasses. But other than that, it's lovely.

In addition to creating an online presence, I've also been driving around Brighton like a Salvation Army worker, picking up unwanted baby clothes. Amelie's old playgroup friend (who's since become her swimming partner) has a little brother who's rapidly approaching two, so their mother offered us the shirt off his back. Plus numerous other bits of clothing. She's originally from Germany, and the kids are bi-lingual, so we're now the proud owners of a t-shirt featuring the words '101 Dalmatiner' and a picture of a dog.

I picked that up on Friday night, but as it transpired, Saturday was much the same. We had a phone call yesterday morning from Lorraine, who was having a clear out, and offered us not only an expensive car seat, but a car to go with it. Admittedly it was only a ten-inch toy, but given their financial circumstances, it's probably worth more than my Skoda.

So Amelie and I drove over to Hove yesterday afternoon to pick it all up, and collect a load of baby bed-linen and clothes they were chucking out too. We'll be selling it all on eBay and buying something cheaper.

On the way back, we popped into Pets at Home to look at the lizards. Amelie's a bit obsessed with reptiles at the moment, and thinks there's a very real chance of us buying her one. I've told her she'll have to book us into Dignitas first, but she hasn't given up. So as a compromise, I let her visit them in pet shops just for the fun of it. It's like taking the poor kids to the stately home to show them what they'll never have. Although we'd already been to Lorraine's, so that's twice in one day.

Despite Amelie's requests, we didn't buy a bearded dragon, but we did come home with a packet of 'Paws Away'. It's a revolutionary anti-scratch protective film that you apply to your furniture to stop your trouble-making cat shredding your sofa. Having opened it up, it turned out to be double-sided sticky tape, but with one important difference: it costs three times as much. Presumably it works by ensuring that the next time Shimmy scratches the furniture, she's stuck fast for the rest of her life. And in the meantime, we can relax on sofas that look like they've been gift-wrapped in sellotape.

The tragedy is that all this activity came at a price. By the time I'd designed a website, picked up some hand-me-downs, and stuck down the upholstery, I realised I'd missed the fat bloke's event of the year: free pasties in Brighton. It's enough to make a grown man weep.


Phil's Mum said...

To think that when you were born, we knew nothing about the internet, and now you have to register a baby's website address before you even put his name down for Eton.

Jon Cheshire said...

Phil, it could have been worse on the t shirt front. It could have been Das Boot and a picture of a boot!
Didn't you read any of those reviews about Paws Away? They all pretty much said it was rubbish. What you need is some cat gloves for Shimmy. If you cant afford them, you could always cut the fingers off of some normal gloves and use some double sided tape inside to make them stick to her furry little arms.
Don't thank me, just send money

Jp Cheshire said...

Phil, I have just realised that in my profile picture (left) I look identicle to your mum.

Phil's Mum said...

Oh yes - how clever!!