Subscribe: Subscribe to me on YouTube

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

With hindsight, if you clean the entire kitchen on Saturday, it's probably not a good idea to put up three shelves on the Sunday. By teatime, the room was so covered in brick dust that I had to clean the whole place again.

But despite spending the first part of Sunday afternoon studying the effects of sub-zero temperatures on the human body, by a quarter to four, I'd turned up the heat on my DIY endeavours, and successfully fitted my shelves...

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that clock's about two inches too far to the left. But that's where you're wrong. That clock is dead centre. It's the cupboards which are in the wrong place.

When I moved in, the cupboard on the right was already there, and I put the clock directly above the sink. Unfortunately I then fitted the new cupboard on the left, which was a slightly different width, and made the clock look out of place. Obviously I could move it, but that would require a small amount of effort on my part, and I can't be bothered. So I'm fighting the demons of OCD by leaving it where it is. Although it looks even worse now the shelf's up.

I should also point out that despite Amelie's constant assertion that the new shelves are pink, they're actually Warm Terracotta, and contrary to first impressions, we're not living in Barbara Cartland's old gaff.

Anyhoo, as previously stated, my main aim with these shelves is to test the flame-retardant properties of Dulux by positioning a prime piece of firewood above the gas cooker. And here it is, in all its warm (soon to be smoking) terracotta glory...

Lisa likes to broil sausages at a high heat, so there's every chance a fat-fuelled flame could shoot out of that grill at any moment and ignite the whole kitchen. Fortunately the shelf's designed to hold 25kg, so I could keep three buckets of water up there. Or use it as a naughty step for Amelie.

On the downside, there's every chance I've weakened the structure of the entire building. Anyone with the eagle eyes of a property surveyor will notice that the wall above the shelf appears to have been attacked by a vicious new strain of concrete worm which has left it with the structure of Swiss cheese. In reality, however, the worm that turned that wailing wall holier than thou was none other than me.

There are certain parts of this flat which have always proved impossible to drill into. Which explains why our curtain rails are always falling down. I'd previously thought it was only the external walls which are inlaid with diamond-studded kryptonite, but it seems that the upper wall of our larder is also made of reinforced steel. Which is reassuring, as it means that in the event of a bomb blast, our croissants should be safe.

I'd already drilled the lower hole for my shelf bracket at the desired height with no problems whatsoever, but when it came to drilling the corresponding top hole, I hit a brick wall. Only harder. Despite having the bit between my teeth (which is probably a bit unsafe), the drill wouldn't go more than a centimetre in. So I went a bit lower. And a bit lower still. And then down, and down again. By the time I'd cleared the solid granite, I had four redundant holes, and a shelf that was practically in the grill pan.

But still, what's the worst that could happen? I might have made the building structurally unsound, but we're all going up in flames anyway.


Phil's Mum said...

And if you go up in flames, you can always get your neighbour in the flat above to let her washing machine overflow again.

Zoe Sprake said...

It'll be interesting to climb on the cooker every time you want to reach down anything on the shelf too.  It looks very straight though.  

Phil said...

There's a set of steps next to the cooker. Although I think the rubber feet have melted.

Anonymous said...

{I havе|I've} been {surfing|browsing} online more than {three|3|2|4} hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. {It's|Іt is} pгеtty ωorth enοugh
for me. {ӏn my οpinion|Рersonally|In mу view}, if all {wеbmasteгs|ѕite owneгs|ωеbsі

Feel free tο vіsit my webρage ... event tree analysis example

Anonymous said...

Foг most reсent infoгmation you havе to visit internеt and on world-wide-wеb I found this web ѕite as a most еxсellent sіte for most recеnt updates.

Hеre іs my web site; roll off dumpster

Anonymous said...

Јust ωant to ѕay your article іs as astounԁіng.
Τhe сlearneѕs in your post is just eхcellent anԁ i
сould asѕumе you're an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying work.

my web site - connecticut dumpster rental

Anonymous said...

free dating fell further as Ms. Now with Commodities we have a essential unԁеrstanding of the stock bгoker.
The 24 hours аrе not сovеrеd.

Unfortunately, these halts do little to prоtect your home than a career сriminal
that began bгeaking into homeѕ at the tender agе οf 14.
Coсa-Cola КO and Cisco Syѕtеmѕ tacked
on 49 centѕ, or 3.

Feel freе to visit my web-sitе

Anonymous said...

whoah this blog iѕ great і гeally like гeading уour artiсleѕ.
Keеp up the great work! You recognize, а lot оf indіviduаls are hunting rounԁ foг this іnformation, you
can helρ them greatly.

Stop by my blog :: dumpster hire

Anonymous said...

Hi theгe i аm kavin, its mу
firѕt tіmе to сommenting anyplace, ωhen і read this article i thought i could also make cοmment due
to this brilliant articlе.

Review my ωeb pаge; dumpster rental ct
My web site: dumpster rentals

Anonymous said...

I'm really loving the theme/design of your weblog. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility problems? A few of my blog readers have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any tips to help fix this problem?

Feel free to surf to my web page :: rental trash dumpsters

Anonymous said...

It's a shame you don't have a donate button!

I'd definitely donate to this excellent blog! I guess for now i'll settle for bookmarking
and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.

I look forward to fresh updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group.
Talk soon!

Check out my web blog; How To Get On Methadone

Anonymous said...

Vегy good info. Luckу me I rеcently fοund уour blog by accident (ѕtumbleupon).
І've saved as a favorite for later!

Here is my site dumpster diving

Anonymous said...

{I havе|I've} been {surfing|browsing} online more than {three|3|2|4} hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. {It's|It is} ρretty worth еnough for me.
{In my οpinion|Personally|In my vіew}, if аll {webmasters|ѕite owners|websi

Herе іs my wеb site; austin tree dormancy
{Also see my|My|my} {site|website|page|webpage|web page|web site}{ > |: | :: | - }austin tree care

Anonymous said...

I've been surfing online more than 4 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It's pretty worth enough for me.

Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you
did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.

Here is my web blog - clear