I can't bear people who sit on the fence...

But fortunately Amelie's never been scared to voice an opinion. And it's usually the opposite of mine. Frankly I wish she'd shut up sometimes. Only yesterday she called me a kibble-brain and told me I've got no talent. And all because I sang in the car.

But I had good reason to express my high spirits through the medium of song, because we were on the way to see Big Sis. Toby's being wiped clean of his original sin at a Catholic baptism this morning, after which I turn forty and he turns one, so with a triple celebration on the cards, the various factions of the Gardner family army are descending on Sussex. It's a bit like the Battle of Hastings, but with cake. Big Sis and her boyfriend were driving to St Leonards from Wiltshire yesterday, so we arranged to meet them for lunch at Brighton Marina.

Unfortunately things never go according to plan. An accident involving a crane on the M25 delayed them by an hour, and after a couple of hasty phone calls and some impromptu Googling, we changed our venue to The Plough at Pyecombe, to save them driving into town. And I'm glad we did, because it was actually very nice.

That's a photo of it on the wall behind us. Although I don't think you could take a similar view of it today without standing on a petrol pump at the BP garage. Toby seems to have the face of an old man in that photo. Which is handy, as it distracts the eye from the fact that I'm using the back of a chair to support my rolls of fat.

Anyhoo, the menu at The Plough is longer than War & Peace, but the food is surprisingly good. They also have a large outdoor area complete with extensive canopies which simultaneously shade you from the sun, and protect you from unexpected downpours. Both of which we experienced. The meal gave Amelie the chance to fill in her aunt on the nitty-gritty of her recent break-up, which she insisted was quite upsetting (she's clearly more stoic than we realised), after which Big Sis kindly gave her a French plait. Which should help to make her kissing more authentic, and win her a new man.

Big Sis and beau had to dash off halfway through dessert, which is generally how I avoid paying, so I presume they had a lot of birthday presents to wrap. Lisa and I selflessly finished the banoffee pie, and then decided to head up to the nearby Ditchling Beacon. By the time we got there, Toby had fallen asleep in the car, so Lisa decided to do the same while Amelie and I took photos of each other with the scenery...

I told you she could express a strong view.