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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The delightful thing about children is that they're always willing to point out your faults. Obviously they're not always right - Amelie, for example, insists that my singing is "lame", which is clearly a grave error - but generally speaking, they're happy to tell you where you're going wrong.

Only yesterday, Amelie turned to Lisa and said "Mummy, I need to tell you something about Candy Crush". Lisa hoped she was about to reveal the secret to completing level 65, so she immediately asked her what. To which Amelie replied "You always lose". Now, I'm not sure if that's pointing out her faults or just stating the obvious, but either way, it's conversations like that which keep our self esteem firmly in the gutter.

Not that Amelie has that problem. If you ask her which member of the family she loves most, she always says herself. With Toby a close second. Lisa and I barely get a look in.

But on the subject of charming conversations and critical comments, I filmed a video two years ago of Amelie chatting about feline appreciation and then wiping Chloe's nose with all the tender loving care of a kidnapper. Being a jovial sort of fellow, I entitled the video 'How to Chloroform a Cat', and it's been up on YouTube since June 2011. Where it appears to be winding up potential cat killers.

A couple of months ago I had the following well-judged, constructive comment from a moderate and sensible viewer:

"you are a waste of life. please stop posting misleading people"

I think the only misleading person I've posted is Amelie, but that aside, I couldn't help feeling slightly hard done by, having my entire existence judged as worthless on the back of a light-hearted video title. But still, I consoled myself with the thought that it was probably a minority view.

Until yesterday, when someone else posted this:

"i came here to learn how to make my cat accept chloroform before dying.. thanks for wasting my time !"

Obviously I have no desire to waste the time of anyone who needs to urgently slaughter a cat, but is that even legal??? I'm not sure people are allowed to chloroform their own pets, are they? I'm all for flushing a sick goldfish down the toilet, but can I legally anaesthetise a cat? And if my cat's struggling to accept it, maybe it's not ready to die. It all smacks slightly of murder.

Anyhoo, the good news is that more than two thousand would-be animal killers have viewed that video, but it's had far more thumbs down than thumbs up, so I clearly need to try harder. Let's see how they react to this one...

She's come a long way in two years. Back in 2011, it was all snotty tissues and headlocks. Now she can soak a wart in a bucket whilst making up a song. They grow up so fast.


Phil's Mum said...

You're right - I can't believe she's changed SO much in the last 2 years! They're both very cute videos, though. Why would anyone object, except the ones who really ARE wanting to learn how to chloroform their cats? Surely there can't be TOO many of those!

Lisa said...

Forget chloroform. If you want to cut to the chase, my sister found the quickest way to get rid of a pet (gerbil) was to step on it.