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Monday, July 31, 2006

Well as of Saturday I'm now all the threes, thirty-three, and may I say a big thank you to all the people who sent me presents, cards and professionally-taken photos of themselves in a leatherette presentation folder (thanks Sis, I'll treasure it). On the cards front, I received a handmade one from Carol, a hand-bought one from Dave, and a handful of ones in my Mum's handwriting claiming to be from my cat. Fortunately they all managed to fit through my front door, although Carol is on the brink of flouting the new postage rules by making cards more than 5mm thick. She could be in serious trouble come August 21st.

On my birthday itself, I visited Lisa's Mum in the hope that she might have a present for me (luckily she did, otherwise it would have been a wasted journey), after which Lisa and I went out for the evening with her sister and a bloke from Torquay who's emigrating to Turkey on the grounds that they sound similar. Or something. I told him I wouldn't be brave enough to do the same. I'm too chicken to move to Turkey.

We ended up at The Swiss Cottage in Shoreham, a picturesque pub on a lake, where attack geese roam the car park looking for victims, and all the drinks come with ice, lemon, and a live duck. We spent the evening discussing Lisa's sister's criminal past, and people who eat their own excrement, and I discovered that Lisa has a bloke's phone number on the back of her birth certificate. But that's another story.

Anyhoo, after a successful evening's Cottaging, I woke up on Sunday morning and attempted to share my dreams with Lisa. Unfortunately, having got as far as "I dreamt I had a friend...", she interrupted with Pizza Express"Well it must have been a dream then". I didn't feel like continuing after that. But I pulled myself together enough to welcome my family to my flat, before insisting they take me to Pizza Express down at Brighton Marina, a restaurant which apparently "looks like a boat", but only to people with good imaginations. I also allowed Lisa's 7-year-old nephew to come along on condition that he brought me a present. Which is why I'm now the proud owner of a Will Young CD.

The meal itself was fine. I ordered a starter with Gusto, my brother tried to leave without paying, Lisa called the waiter an Eastern European circus freak, and my Dad made a balloon parrot for the waitress. Just a normal family meal really.

We followed that with a game of football at the local park, which only lasted ten minutes after my sister-in-law hacked down Lisa's nephew in a nasty off-the-ball incident which went unseen by the referee. He had to be substituted, and I was forced to drive him home to wash the blood out of his t-shirt. That's the last time I'll be allowed to take him out for the afternoon. Fortunately though, he recovered sufficiently to play hide-and-seek, and beat me about the head with a cuddly aardvark, so I think he'll live. Which is more than I can say for myself - the diet starts again this morning.


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