I took this photo down on the beach on Tuesday afternoon...


It appears to be a group of students trying to join themselves together with black sacks and bin liners. No, I don't know why either. I expect it's some kind of modern art. Or sexual fetish.

But youth culture aside, the good news is that I've successfully completed my application to be Ben Stiller in 'Night at the Museum'. Yes, I'm now only four weeks and one rejection letter away from being a full-time 'Information & Security Officer' at the Royal Pavilion and Brighton Museum & Art Gallery.

The person specification states under 'Other Requirements' that you must be "Prepared to wear the corporate uniform" (ie. not go on duty in the nude) and have an "Ability to stand or patrol for long periods, and react quickly in an emergency situation". So they've obviously seen the bit in the film where the T-rex comes to life and wants to play fetch.

This being Brighton Council, the application form was, naturally, a joy to complete. I think my favourite question was:

"Have you, or do you intend to have, your gender re-assigned under the Gender Recognition Act (2004)?"

I put myself down as a maybe. Growing a moustache has opened up a whole new world of possibilities to me, and the only place to go from here is to become a woman, so I can't rule it out.

Interestingly, it was in the news a fortnight ago that the hyphen is dying out and is currently threatened with extinction, so it's good to see that Brighton Council are doing their bit to increase numbers by re-assigning it to new habitats where it hasn't previously existed.

Anyhoo, with my future in the hands of the council's HR department, I'm off to Chelmsford for a couple of days. My Mum's taken a break from commenting on this blog to go into hospital for an operation on her leg. They can rebuild her; they have the technology. But even so, I feel I ought to visit. She's currently in ward B17, so I'm planning to arrive in a Flying Fortress and drop flowers on her from a great height.