Lisa and I spent the afternoon at her Mum's yesterday. In addition to eating ice cream, sponge cake and chocolates (which I enjoyed as part of a balanced diet), our visit gave me the chance to read the horoscopes in the Sunday People. So according to top astrologer June Penn (who last year sold her Brighton home for three million), here's what the week ahead has in store for Lisa:

"A newcomer on the scene could be bringing delight and amusement. Socially you will be in demand and can expect quite a few visitors calling".

So it's official: the baby's coming this week, and everyone's turning up at the hospital. Thank god Lisa's bought new pyjamas.

Anyhoo, back in June, during a moment of clarity at the Brighton Baby Expo, I spent twenty quid on a Bump Casting Kit. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Three months on, having waited as late as I dare, organised my entire weekend around this event, and given Lisa no say in the matter, I'm pleased to report that I now have a permanent replica of my beloved's body.

For anyone who can't imagine the scene in my living room at 9pm on Saturday night, here's a working example...

Unfortunately that's as close as you're likely to get to the real thing. I took the decision to mould Lisa's entire torso, from collarbone to waist, and the results are so lifelike that to publish a photo would be like turning this blog into Page 3. Needless to say, I don't have that kind of permission. Well, not unless the money's right.