Well ok, Lisa wasn't 10cm dilated after all. To be honest, the only labouring she did yesterday was under a misconception. But it's just as well, because it was vitally important I didn't miss work today. The pharmacy manager turns forty tomorrow, and frankly we had more cakes than drugs in stock this morning. We'd only just finished the leftover pizza from last week too.

Anyhoo, cheesecake, chocolate cake and carrot cake are all very well, but you need a bit of variety in your diet, so having polished off those three, I branched out into the world of Eastern European delicacies this afternoon, and sampled some Slovakian chocolates and Hungarian chewing gum. The latter was melon flavoured, so it counts as one of your five a day.

As for presents, the necklace and flowers we organised were very nice, but personally I preferred the gift that I received, courtesy of my colleague's partner, who works in sexual health. And I don't mean he's a gigolo. Well, not as far as I know. Anyway, he took a break from handing out condoms at Lewes Prison, to send me this piece of promotional material:


Apparently Durex are using my name to stop the spread of syphilis. They obviously think I'll put people off sex. But it gets worse...


I Love Phil (Love is blind)??? I've never been so offended in my life. Just because I can eat six kinds of cake in one day, doesn't mean I'm unattractive.