Oooh look, it's Lisa!


You can tell it's her from the multipack of Skips in the background.

Yes indeed, while the rest of the world was out partying on Saturday night, I was sat at home in front of Family Fortunes, painting a cast of my girlfriend's body. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. I eventually plumped for silver, having rejected gold and bronze in case they made her look too tanned. Lisa's never more than two shades darker than milk, so frankly no one would recognise her with a bronzed bump.

Admittedly you can't see much of the finished masterpiece through the purple haze, but if Lisa hadn't come up with the idea of dressing the thing, no one would be seeing it at all, and we'd be keeping the cast in a cupboard to preserve her modesty. I did ask if I could put it in a sexy crop-top to show off the bump, but oddly Lisa didn't have one in her wardrobe.

Anyhoo, if you're wondering why I waited a week before slapping on a bit of paint, it's because I was worried my cat would start rubbing up against it, and end up looking like the mascot on the bonnet of a Jaguar. But as of yesterday afternoon, this is now a pet-free home. No, there hasn't been a death in the family (although Lisa does struggle to keep pot plants alive), I've actually handed over little Chloe to my Mum for a few weeks.

As previously mentioned on this blog, cats are a bigger threat to children than either Gary Glitter or Calpol, and the safety net I bought from the Pound Shop won't stretch over our Moses basket, so I've had to take drastic action and evacuate Chloe to the countryside. My Mum's going to look after her until the baby's old enough to fight her off with a teething ring. It's a bit of a shame, because Chloe's the only member of this family who likes having her photo taken. This blog will be a poorer place without her.

But anyhoo, time flies when you're having fun, and it's already a year since I met some saxophonists in turbans and Romanians dressed as ducks. A lot's changed since then. The Argus have deleted my article about it, and I no longer have a moustache. But that's not going to stop me doing it all again (apart from the moustache), because today is Car Free Day 2008, and I'm off into town to celebrate Streets For People. It's a bit of a walk though, so I think I might drive.