Subscribe: Subscribe to me on YouTube

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Health Visitor came around yesterday afternoon while I was at work and gave Lisa a leaflet on domestic violence. She said she always waits until the partners are gone before handing it over. Presumably in case they turn nasty and start giving her paper cuts. I wouldn't mind, but she spent a good half hour in my company last week, chatted to me at length, and still thinks I could be punching Lisa in the face when no one's looking.

Lisa tried to reassure me by saying that she has to give the leaflet to everyone, but let's face it, the woman's based on the Whitehawk estate, so most of her clients don't have partners. Lisa's probably the first person to get a copy.

Anyway, I wasn't happy. It was all I could do not to roll it into a dart and stab Lisa in the eye to make me feel better. But on the plus side, the leaflet is packed full of useful information. For a start it says this:

Domestic violence occurs in heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender relationships, regardless of a person's gender identity, sexual orientation, race, class, age, ability or social status. No, really.
So even posh black transsexual pensioners with learning difficulties aren't immune. There's a lot of people suffering out there. And fortunately the leaflet makes them easy to spot, because it features a helpful list of signs which might indicate that you've been subjected to domestic violence. They include 'punching', 'burning' and 'strangling', so if you find yourself bruised and on fire with your partner's hands around your neck, you could be a victim. Stay vigilant.

Anyhoo, happy-slapping aside, the good news is that Amelie's piling on the pounds like it's going out of fashion, and is now fatter than she was three weeks ago. Much like her father. She's currently 8lb 14oz, which is roughly what I've put on since she was born.

The gifts keep rolling in too. Today's offering comes courtesy of the ex-wife of a cousin of Lisa's that I've never even heard of. It's like someone's tracing our family tree, just so they can send us presents. Anyway, bearing in mind that Amelie's a bigger-than-average baby, this is what Marks & Spencer consider suitable for 0-3 months...

Coat of not many colours.
I think we're looking at winter 2009.


Phil said...

Phil's Mum 
It looks like Amelie has a big sister (or perhaps a minder!) who is putting her arm round her.
Thursday, October 23, 2008, 22:27:39

Phil's Mum 
And isn't it extreme prejudice that the Health Visitor gave Lisa a warning leaflet, but didn't tell you about the danger of violent fiancees who attack innocent men?
Thursday, October 23, 2008, 22:31:47

Domestic violence does also involve men being attacked by their partners. I speak from professional experience. I should put in an official complaint about being excluded from the advice. 
I expect what's her name will grow into that outfit. In the meantime, perhaps Lisa could wear it?
Friday, October 24, 2008, 08:11:56

You were professionally beaten up by a woman, Dave? 
And yes, I'm sure the thick winter coat will fit Amelie perfectly by about July. :+:
Friday, October 24, 2008, 08:37:43

Professionally beaten up by a woman - I didn't know you used to be a wrestler, Dave.
Friday, October 24, 2008, 11:12:19

Don't believe it. By the new year, Amelie will hardly fit into it. 
I want to know more about Dave's experiences, too. The Methodist church sounds considerably more dangerous than the C of E.
Saturday, October 25, 2008, 22:10:47