I had an e-mail from Sky TV this morning. It read:

"Dear Phil,

I'm writing a story for Sky News Online about a new reality TV show. Half the contestants are gorillas. Sound awful? I need a critic who dislikes reality tv to give me their thoughts - asap!

Please email if you can help..."

Personally I think they're just trying to flog me a satellite dish. You've got to be subtle if you want to get around the anti-spam laws. And let's face it, a reality show where half the contestants are gorillas? Frankly I'm more inclined to believe that I've won the Spanish lottery, and the Crown Prince of Nigeria wants to give me fifty million quid.

Admittedly I wouldn't mind seeing most Big Brother contestants beaten to death by a silverback, but I'm more inclined to believe it's a spelling mistake, and she means guerillas. You could vote for who you want shot.

But when Channel 4 announce their new flagship show 'Gorillas in the Midst' ("Who goes ape, you decide"), remember you heard it here first.

Unfortunately for Sky News, Amelie had a bad night last night, so frankly I'm in no fit state to do their journalists' work for them. And besides, since when have I disliked reality TV? No one gets my Telly Critic site at all. I actually love reality TV. I just like making fun of it. I'm the same with Lisa.

Anyhoo, I have far more pressing things to do this afternoon. We took Amelie to the Tarner Children's Centre this morning to be officially discharged from the care of the local midwives, and it turned out to be an enlightening trip. The main thing we learnt is that if your aunt gives you a bottle of milk on a Friday evening, and you leave it on the back seat of your car until Wednesday, it's likely to have gone off, leaked everywhere and stunk the place out.

I'm off to remove a cheese factory from my upholstery...