Can I just say that it's quite hard to write a blog post when Amelie's clambering over your feet under the desk, and trying to become a marionette by wrapping herself in computer wires. She looks like Pinocchio, only less honest.

But problem children aside, I was here yesterday...


If Mile Oak is a pistol, Crowborough's definitely more of an Uzi. But frankly the gun designers at Haywards Heath want shooting...


Admittedly it's got a nicely designed trigger, but where's the style, where's the finesse? It looks more like a child's toy than a weapon of mass destruction, and quite honestly I expect more from my health centres.

As for Horsham Hospital, the less said about that, the better. They've gone for a Sherman tank and ended up with an elephant.

Anyhoo, I spent most of yesterday travelling around Sussex with a map in my hand, trying to find various hospitals. I felt like Nerys Hughes in The District Nurse, but without the affliction of being Welsh.

First stop was the Crowborough War Memorial Hospital (making them look like guns is fair enough, but putting 'war' in the title is verging on overkill if you ask me). I liked Crowborough, but I'm not sure I could live there without a pay rise. Some of the houses looked bigger than the hospital.

From there it was on to the Haywards Heath Health Centre, passing a few signs to the River Uck, which had all been defaced by someone with a can of spray paint and a very small vocabulary. Having done my best to get lost in a clinic the size of a shoebox, I then stepped up my game and headed for this place...


That's Crawley Hospital. I was on the fourth floor of that building yesterday afternoon. Literally. I was down on my hands and knees under a desk, trying to disconnect a lead from the back of a retinal screening camera. I like to think I put the crawl back into Crawley.

I ended my little road trip at Horsham Hospital, where I wandered around aimlessly for a while, looking for the screening room and trying to work out how to use the lift, before picking up a hitchhiker with a computer under her arm, and giving her a lift back to Brighton. After a day like that, only a fool would leave the house today. So I'm thinking of going to Hastings.