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Thursday, July 23, 2009

It's Amelie doing her Mick Jagger impression!

Amelie's Personal Strainer
It's so convincing, she couldn't even gather any moss with a tea strainer.

We bought that tea strainer at Asda last night, after finally coming to the realisation that no matter how much money we spend on high quality hand-crafted toys from the Early Learning Centre, Amelie will always prefer the cheap plastic implements she finds lying around. So that was 37p well spent. The Fisher Price Shape-Sorting Turtle I bought her last week has barely had a look-in today.

But Amelie's personal strainer aside, it's now more than three months since I lay down in a dimly lit room and let a stranger fondle my privates. So I thought it was about time I did it again. And as luck would have it, I had my follow-up appointment with the urologist this morning. It gave me the chance to tell him that none of the drugs he prescribed me in April have made a blind bit of difference. Frankly the moustache I grew in 2007 has done more for prostate disease than those antibiotics.

He seemed unfazed by that news, and invited me next door for another intimate moment in the examination room, after which he confirmed that things aren't quite as they should be, and offered me a lot more drugs. Ciprofloxacin clearly didn't work, so I'm now trying Ofloxacin, which is the same, but scores slightly less at Scrabble. According to Wikipedia, it "can cause serious psychiatric side effects", but life has already given me those, so I've got nothing to worry about. He's also prescribed me Doxycycline, which can be used to treat acne, so I'm hoping my skin will clear up.

In addition to a cocktail of four (count them) drugs, he's going to book me in for an ultrasound scan of my prostate, just to check that I don't have an abscess. I asked him what that involves. He told me. I almost wish he hadn't. But let's face it, the last scan I went to turned out pretty well. And they might even give me some photos.