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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

To be perfectly honest, the one place I didn't expect to find myself at eleven thirty this morning was sitting in the hospital fracture clinic with my arm in plaster, while a woman attacked me with a circular saw...

Mostly armless.
Sometimes I don't think they're paying me enough. Oh, and if you're wondering, the bloke in the background's playing internet chess. Personally I was a pawn in somebody else's game.

Anyhoo, before anyone panics that I'm having to type this with one hand between sips of morphine and cries of pain, I should point out that the treatment I'm receiving in the photo above has less to do with some terrible work-related accident, and more to do with the fact that I'm based next door to the medical photography department.

Apparently the Primary Care Trust wants some photos of healthcare professionals at work for the PCT website, so a shoot was booked at the fracture clinic for this morning. Unfortunately there's never a broken bone around when you need one, so whilst beavering away in the office this morning, I was suddenly offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get plastered at my employer's expense.

Within five minutes I was heading towards Casualty with a medical photographer. Which made it the perfect time to bump into my friend and former colleague, 'S', outside the pharmacy department. Last time he saw me I was heading up the hill with a suitcase. This time I told him I was off to A & E to have my arm put in plaster. Frankly it's a miracle he believes anything I say.

So having left 'S' bemused and confused, we hurried on, arrived at A & E, realised the fracture clinic had moved, then headed in the opposite direction and eventually ended up here...

Friar Tuck, eat your heart out.
Frankly that's my best side. And I can check my bald spot without the aid of two mirrors.

Anyhoo, I'm now in possession of twenty-five action photos of the experience, of which approximately twenty-four are probably unusable. I blame the photographer for not telling me that I'd be in them all. If I'd known he was snapping more than just my arm, I wouldn't have spent the time chatting, laughing, staring into space and making stupid expressions.

This photo's not too bad...

Trust me, I'm a carpenter.
... until you see the uncropped version...

Oooh Matron!
It's like we've remade Carry On Doctor.

Anyhoo, I've signed a consent form allowing the NHS to use my image in any way they see fit, so it's only a matter of time before I'm on greetings cards and t-shirts. But the best thing is that I was allowed to take my plaster cast home. I can slip it on at will, and get out of doing the washing up.