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Monday, October 19, 2009

Brighton might be the most Godless city in Britain, but I'm sure someone up there is playing a joke on me. My mobile rang about twenty minutes ago (which is unusual in itself - I'm quite an unpopular person), so I answered it, and without so much as a hello, a woman's voice said "Have you still got the cat?".

For a moment I thought I was involved in some kind of hostage negotiation, so I played it dumb and said "The cat?". She replied "Yes, have you still got it?".

I was slightly thrown, but back in February when Chloe was conquering the world, it was quite common for complete strangers to phone me on my mobile and propose photo shoots, film premieres and free tins of cat food in return for dubious services rendered. So I assumed The Argus had given out my number again.

I replied "Do you mean Chloe?". She said "Is that the white cat?". I said "Yes". She said "Have you still got it?".

To be honest, we were getting nowhere fast, so I decided to cut straight through the confusion and ask "Who is it speaking?". She ignored me, and said "It's about the free white cat. Have you still got it?"

The word 'free' bothered me. Chloe has never worked for nothing. So I decided to ignore her this time, and instead asked "Where did you get my number?". She replied "Gumtree". I promptly told her she'd got the wrong person. So she put the phone down without saying goodbye.

As it turns out, she was talking about this creature...

Have you still got it?
I found the advert on Gumtree after five minutes of searching. It's a white cat which is one quarter Persian, lives in London, and is free to "a warm home". I presume his current owner can't pay the heating bills. But most bizarre of all, despite the billions of possible combinations in an eleven digit mobile, the phone number in the advert is just one digit different to my own. Godless, my foot.