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Monday, October 05, 2009

I've started a Weight Watchers diet today, so it's a miracle I've got the energy to write this. When I suddenly felt dizzy halfway through my clinic this morning, I didn't know if it was because I'd forced myself into work with the lingering symptoms of flu, or because I'd eaten the breakfast of an anorexic. The fainting and feelings of weakness will all be worth it though. As Lisa regularly tells me, "Amelie doesn't want fat parents". She'd obviously rather be alone in her obesity.

So as of today, Lisa and I are on a joint crusade of weight loss. We're following the Weight Watchers diet, but as luck would have it, we don't actually have to attend any meetings or part with any cash. Lisa's been on Weight Watchers for about twenty years now, so she's got all the gumph, and what she doesn't know about daily points allowances isn't worth knowing. It's only water retention and big bones which are keeping her from size zero.

So she's worked out my eating plan, lent me her points calculator, and is offering to weigh me weekly in public. I've declined that offer. I was too ill to go shopping on Saturday, but instead I sat at the computer and ordered the entire Weight Watchers range from Tesco Online. There's now enough low calorie food in the fridge to keep an obese person going for... oooh, about five minutes. But it's going to last me the week. I'll be so thin by Christmas that people will think I'm a Matchmaker.

And on the subject of Christmas, I asked my parents for some top-of-the-range rechargeable batteries for my camera last year. They were so expensive that my Mum initially told me they couldn't afford them, but having laid a big guilt-trip on her, she naturally backed down and bought them for me anyway. I received them as a surprise gift on Christmas Day. It was an unforgettable moment.

Well I say unforgettable. I discovered yesterday that whilst I was in Newcastle on Friday, Lisa took so many photos of Amelie that she drained my batteries, had no idea they were rechargeable, and chucked them in the bin. So if you're reading this, Mum, can you put them on my Christmas list? You've got twelve weeks to save up.