I had a patient at Crawley Hospital today with a surname so odd that I actually asked him if we'd spelt it wrong. It turned out that we hadn't, so I told him I'd never met anyone with that name before. He said "I'm not surprised, there are only thirteen of us in the world". I was slightly taken aback by that, and asked how he knew. He replied that he'd researched the name thoroughly and found that most of them were living in his house.

In addition to that chap, I also met a young Indian man whose Christian name (well, Hindu name) had fifteen letters and seven syllables. But frankly that's nothing unusual in Crawley. The two receptionists spent all day daring me to call him by his first name, but I told them it's important to maintain a decent level of respect for your patients. So I called him 'Sir' throughout.

The work rota changes next week, so from now on I'll only be in Crawley for one week every seven. I broke the news gently to the ladies on reception, and they said they're not sure how they'll get through seven weeks without seeing me. Mind you, they also told me they "like a giggle", so they could have been joking. As I left, one of them added that they're planning to report me for being too nice to the patients. Apparently "when you're here, they all come out of the room chuckling". I should probably stop using laughing gas instead of eye drops.