I don't know why she keeps mentioning my name. I had nothing to do with it. Admittedly, I wouldn't mind getting some footage of Amelie doing the clean & jerk, and holding Chloe above her head like a barbell (they pay good money for that on You've Been Framed), but that doesn't mean I was encouraging her. I just happened to unlock the kitchen gate. And make lifting motions with my hands. Whilst pointing at Chloe.
I think Amelie was essentially saying "Come on Daddy, if we work together, we can have her dressed up as Igglepiggle and strapped onto a clockwork Ninky-Nonk quicker than she can say RSPCA!". But obviously there was no way I could do that. We don't have a clockwork Ninky-Nonk.
Anyhoo, my Mum came over this morning and kindly took Chloe to the vet for me. I don't know what happened, but when I got home from work at lunchtime, I found a bill for £25 on the table. So I think he gave her some pills for her nerves.
Shortly afterwards, I received this photo in my work e-mail...
That's Amelie demonstrating the famous Gardner ability to pick up birds. She's letting them slip straight through her fingers.
As it happens, Amelie is now over at my parents' house. Which is worrying, as they have foxes in the garden. She'll be lucky to survive till the weekend. But it's a risk we have to take, because tomorrow we're helping Lisa's Mum to move house, and frankly Amelie's lifting skills are rubbish. If she can't get Chloe more than two inches off the ground, she's never going to be able to take the other end of a sideboard.
So we've shipped her out for a couple of days, I've taken tomorrow off work, Lisa's cousin has hired a van, and it's all systems go. For about 10am. I refuse to get up early for anyone.