It's my second Father's Day, and things are going downhill already. Last year Amelie presented me with two CDs, a box of truffles and some personalised chocolate. This year I got a Banoffee Pie and a Chocolate Refrigerator Cake. I'd show you a photo, but I've eaten them both already. I did suggest that maybe she could have got me something which would last longer than two hours into Father's Day morning, but as her official spokesperson (Lisa) told me, "You already have everything you want". Plus a waistline I don't.
To be fair though, they were damn fine cakes. In fact they weren't just cakes, they were M&S cakes. I'm tempted to go back for more before I become so crippled with arthritis that I can no longer lick my own fingers.
Anyhoo, in the absence of any Father's Day photos, here's a close-up of a carpet...
Lisa and I bought that yesterday for our new flat. It's called 'Aubergine', which is interesting because if I had an aubergine that colour, I'd throw it away. We're combining it in the living room with walls painted in this shade of violet...
We're choosing so many fruity pastels, we could both get jobs at Rowntree. That colour's known as 'Amethyst Showers 4', which sounds like half a scoreline from the gay football league. It's a light, fresh colour, which should provide the perfect background for Amelie to draw on the walls in biro. It won't matter if she drops moussaka on the carpet either.
Having spent yesterday in Carpetright, I took Amelie into town this morning to look for some Maisy Mouse books. She's already got five, but the words "MORE MAISY!!!" are constantly reverberating around this flat, and there's only so many times I can read 'Maisy Goes to Hospital' without checking into the mental health ward myself. Interestingly, the character's Wikipedia entry begins with the words "Maisy Mouse is a fictional mouse", presumeably to differentiate her from all the other cartoon mice which are, in fact, real. Obviously I haven't let Amelie read that - she'd be heartbroken.
Sadly we didn't find any Maisy adventures that she hasn't already got, but I did buy her a book called 'Quack', which is possibly the most surreal thing I've ever read. I'd tell you about it, but frankly it warrants a blog post of its very own. Possibly with a video of Lisa reading it aloud.
But anyway, it may be Father's Day, but there are mothers out there who need help too. So rather than putting my feet up in front of the World Cup with a pair of Dad slippers and a cup of tea, I'm off to do a list of DIY jobs for Lisa's Mum. It's my best chance of getting more cake.