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Friday, August 19, 2011

After a week living the high-life in St Leonards, Lisa and Amelie came back down to earth with a bump by returning home on Wednesday. Lisa had a pressing engagement here in Brighton. I needed her to iron my shirts.

To be honest, I did pretty well without her. Rather than get the ironing board out, I popped to the nearest charity shop during my lunch break last Thursday and bought a new work shirt. I then wore it to my assertiveness course on Friday, and kept it on when I drove to St Leonards that evening. When I went to bed, I sneaked it into my Mum's laundry basket, and by Sunday afternoon, it was magically washed and ironed.

I wore that same shirt to work on Monday and Tuesday (don't worry, I sniffed the armpits), then on Wednesday I went to another charity shop, bought another shirt, and wore it yesterday. And today Lisa ironed all my shirts. So for ten days, I've successfully avoided housework, looked like a tramp and raised money for charity. I'm like the new Bob Geldof.

As it happens though, my ironing wasn't the only reason for Lisa's return. She also had to pick up her temporary teeth from the dentist today. After a month of hermitage and torment, 3:50 this afternoon was meant to be the moment Lisa got her life back. Unfortunately, anyone who's been following her progress for the past five weeks will know that Lisa never gets what she wants.

To cut a long story short, the lab that made the denture did a complete botch job. The dentist had only just opened the package when we arrived, and she'd already phoned the lab to complain. As she put it, "This is not what you've paid five hundred pounds for". There was a gap between the front teeth, part of the false gum looked like it was growing over a tooth, one front tooth was protruding, and the rear of the denture was discoloured. Frankly Amelie could have made something better out of play-doh.

The dentist was fuming, but to be honest, that's nothing compared to how we feel. We postponed our trip to Wiltshire for my birthday last month, and rescheduled it for Lisa's birthday next week, on the assumption that her teeth would be in place by then. The dentist has said she'll phone us as soon as the denture is fixed, and that she's willing to come into work on her day off to get it sorted for us, but she thinks it's unlikely to be ready before Thursday. We were supposed to be driving down to Devizes on Wednesday.

By this time today, I thought Lisa would be crying tears of happiness. It turns out I was only half right. She's cancelled a hairdresser's appointment for next week, changed her plans for this weekend, and we've spent the evening drowning our sorrows in pizza. I feel sick for two reasons now.


Phil's Mum said...

Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do!

Big Sis said...

Oh no.... I'm sorry.... but you are welcome to stay anytime ... xxxxx

Dave said...

I'm going to be away for the first two weeks of september.  You're welcome to come and use my house, where no-one knows you (and let's face it, this is Norfolk, so Lisa wouldn't look unusual anyway).

Phil said...

Aw, thanks Dave (and Sis). That's very sweet, and much appreciated. I'm not sure it'll fit in work-wise, but it's a very kind offer. And I would like the opportunity to check your raised bed for dead bodies.

Lisa said...

It was a year ago yesterday that I had my braces removed. Quite ironic really. :'(