One of my patients gave me a box of chocolates yesterday afternoon. Sadly, it wasn't a blonde bombshell who'd fallen in love with me, it was an Asian pensioner who wanted to thank me. At least that's what he said. In reality he was probably trying to make me diabetic so that I could suffer like he does. Naturally, the offer of gifts from a patient presented me with a bit of a moral dilemma. Not 'should I accept them?', but 'should I give them to Lisa and pretend I bought them for her?'.

Fortunately I have a strong moral compass (which is down to my animal magnetism), and instantly knew the answer: I noticed the chocolates were from Lidl, so I knew she'd never eat them. I'll be sharing them with my colleagues instead.

It was an afternoon of surprises actually. Following on from the Milk Tray man, my next patient was a lady seven years older than Lisa, who was telling me about the problems her son is having looking after his diabetes. I said "Yes, it's a real challenge when you're young". To which she responded "Young? He's thirty-one."

It's not the first time that's happened. I really must remember that Lisa and I are decrepit old freaks of nature who have no right to reproduce at our age and really should be grandparents by now, otherwise I'm going to keep making myself look stupid.