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Friday, October 14, 2011

It's amazing the things you find when you're looking for photos of children on the internet.

Let me rephrase that. After publishing yesterday's blog post, Lisa mentioned that every day this week, The Argus have printed a couple of random shots from their Cute Kids contest, in an effort to encourage more people to enter. Naturally, we're too cheap to buy the paper, so I presume she got this information from her mother, who's the last of the big spenders, and reads The Argus religiously. She's even in it on a regular basis.

So I began idly perusing the Argus website, and the site of The Brighton and Hove Studio, which is home to the photographers who took Amelie's picture yesterday, in the hope of finding some under-age models who could put a smile on my face. BH Studio have some nice shots of Katie Price, and one of Kerry Katona (so they clearly have a classy clientele), but their site also features this announcement: "CUTE KIDS Pictures will be uploaded and on a gallery after all the pictures have appeared in THE ARGUS newspaper (Oct 24-28th)". So there's currently no cuteness available.

But if you think the search was a waste of a time, you'd be wrong. In the course of my investigations, I clicked on a link, and ended up at this website, where you can purchase photos that have appeared in The Argus. There's a red button in the top left where you can search the images 'By Keywords and Date Range', so on a whim, I entered the word 'cat', and the dates of the second week of February 2009, and to my complete surprise, it came up with this:

Rogue's Gallery
That's twenty photos of me drowning a cat in the shower, and then strangling it in the living room. Despite worldwide media attention at the time (and I'm reliably informed that Chloe's still pretty big in Lithuania), I'm fairly certain that no more than eight of those were ever published. Twelve of them I've never seen. Let's face it, if they'd ever shown them to me, I'd have insisted they publish this one...

Younger Looking Skin?
I don't know if I've been airbrushed by The Argus or touched up by The Times, but either way, my skin has never looked so good. Frankly I could pass for a twelve-year-old. Albeit with stubble and premature baldness. You'd never believe I had a four-month-old baby in the next room.

I've checked out the purchasing options for that picture, and apparently I can have it printed onto a t-shirt for £16. So that's Lisa's Christmas present sorted.


Dave said...

£16?  You spoil her.

Phil's Mum said...

Well, would you believe it?  All that fame just waiting for you to find it!  It could be EVERYBODY'S Christmas present sorted!

Phil said...

You're right. I'll get the mug for £9.95.

jon the bassist said...

I would order a copy but I dont really like those comedy bath time bubbles they have added (c)