I say, I say, I say... what do you call a man with a duck's kidney and a chicken's foot?


Fowl. I was looking both ways for a sick bucket.

We had our good friends Stefan, Andrew and Nora around for the afternoon yesterday, and having spent years listening to me say I'll eat pretty much anything, they've finally put me to the test. And found me wanting. We haven't seen Stefan and Andrew since they returned from a two-week holiday in Hong Kong last November, so they've been saving up the gifts for me ever since. I'm now the proud owner of some of the finest shrink-wrapped bird offal this side of Taiwan.

To be honest, it was like Christmas here yesterday, because in addition to some choice cuts of game, they brought Amelie so many presents, she thought they'd run over Santa on the way here. The biggest hit was a foldable wooden tray...


She's wanted one since she tried out Andrew's in October, and it means she can now fulfil her dream of becoming a consummate couch potato by drawing, playing and eating, all without leaving the sofa. In the picture above, she's trying out the farmyard stencils and puzzle books she also received yesterday, whilst wearing a cardboard hat she was given by Nora.

The hat is part of a set called 'Snap Happy', which provides you with various dressing-up supplies such as hats, wigs and glasses, plus a frame to pose in for photos. It's hard to describe unless you have a willing model. And as luck would have it...


That's Andrew with his face on. I think the lips were modelled on Amelie...


As if the internal organs of a range of poultry weren't enough, Lisa and Amelie also received souvenirs from Hong Kong. Amelie is now the proud owner of a pink umbrella, while Lisa received a beautiful Chinese fan. So they're pretty much set for any weather conditions. The fan's made of sandalwood, which is presumably what they make clogs out of. It smells gorgeous anyway, and not like any sandal I've ever sniffed.

Sadly, Nora had to leave early to pick up her daughter from Africa, but the rest of us settled down to plough through the 500+ holiday photos I'd asked Stefan and Andrew to bring on their laptop. Nora thought I was mad, which possibly explains her early exit, but personally I enjoyed it. All three hours of it.

The holiday snaps ranged from pictures of pandas, crocodiles and dolphins, to photos from cable cars, skyscrapers and mountains, including shots of a giant buddha, ancient temple, modern casino and doggy toilet. They also showed us views of the Thai restaurant where their meal was interrupted by a cockroach walking across the table.

But the highlight for me was the photo of an elderly Chinese woman on the underground, who was sitting next to Stefan with a live fish flapping about in her bag. I'm not sure which was more amusing - the sight of a old lady nonchalantly returning from market with a fish that refuses to die, or the look on Stefan's face.

The only moment to compare with that was when they showed us a photo of a sealion at Ocean Park. I was keen to showcase Amelie's vast zoological knowledge, so I pointed at the picture and said to her "What's that?".

Amelie looked at it long and hard, before answering: "Nora".

It's no wonder she left early.