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Sunday, June 03, 2012

A three-year-old child, a playful kitten and a mass of electrical wires. What could possibly go wrong..?


Sometimes I'm surprised we don't have more deaths in this family. Admittedly we've lost a lot of blood over the past couple of years, but at the time of writing, we're all still alive. Although Lisa's barely moving.

Fortunately, the hands of Jesus are beginning to heal...


I'm hoping the presence of religious stigmata will help Amelie get a place at the local Catholic school. She's even got the rope marks of the crucifixion on her wrists. Although they're mostly caused by cats' claws and an over-tight digital watch. The fact that the scratch on her left arm corresponds exactly with the crease on the duvet, however, is clearly a genuine miracle.

Having received the mark of Christ, she's also now qualified to heal others with the laying-on of hands...


That kitten was at death's door before Amelie came along. She helpfully slammed the door in its face and kicked it down the steps.

Anyhoo, I'm writing this whilst watching the Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant on BBC1. Amelie's in the other room watching CBeebies, and frankly I think she's got the better deal. I was expecting aircraft carriers and battleships, and I've ended up with rowing boats and kayaks. It's been on for almost two hours, and the Queen's only just barging in. To say the event's slow-moving is an understatement.

I did try to get Amelie involved by telling her that she could watch a flotilla of a thousand boats sailing down the Thames, and for a moment she seemed quite excited. Unfortunately she'd misunderstood, and thought they were sailing past our flat. She ran to the living room window, looked out over the sea, and did a passable impression of Nelson by telling me that she could see no ships. After that she lost interest.

To be honest though, I think she's all jubileed out. And I've had enough myself. We had a voucher for free home delivery from Asda, so we did all our grocery shopping online yesterday, and had it delivered this morning. When the man eventually turned up, he told me that he almost hadn't been able to get here, because the top of our road had been blocked off with bunting. He'd been forced to stop his van and untie a whole string of union jacks, just to deliver our shopping. I feel like the UN has declared sanctions on our street. If this jubilee goes on much longer, we could all starve.

7 comments:

Phil's Mum said...

It does begin to lose its attraction after a few hours (not to mention days).  I think even the Queen will soon be joining the demonstrators against the Monarchy.  At 86 (?) she shouldn't have to endure all this!

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