Just look at the quality of that hair colouring...

You'd never know she had two-tone ears and a black forehead. It just goes to show what you can achieve with a Hitler fringe and some careful combing. I should be working in a salon.

Anyhoo, as the picture above shows, raising a two-week-old baby isn't just about the constant breastfeeding and sleepless nights. It's also about persuading your relatives to take over the childcare so that you can go out for the evening. Having successfully convinced my mother that Toby's more of a dream than a nightmare, she offered to look after him yesterday evening so that Lisa and I could go out for a meal.

I don't know which was more reckless - offering to have Toby, or expecting us to come back - but either way, it was a kind offer, and one we accepted in approximately half a second. Lisa spent the afternoon expressing two bottles of breast milk, and at 8:30pm we finally left the premises. Two hours later than planned.

The restaurant we chose was the Trattoria Italiana in Pelham Crescent. I'd looked on TripAdvisor, and it appeared to be the highest rated Italian in Hastings, with generally favourable comments. One review described the proprietor as "a small Italian man with a bad attitude and a gruff manner", while another stated that "the manager is so much fun and really chatty". It was the latter one which put me off. I can't think of anything worse than being trapped in a confined space with a talkative man who thinks he's funny. Lisa would never cope with two of us.

As it transpired, the truth was somewhere in between. The man was small and Italian, but his attitude was good, and he made us feel welcome. The restaurant was pretty empty, which might not be a sign of good quality, but suits me down to the ground. And the food was very nice too. Not quite up to the standard of La Locanda Del Duca in Eastbourne, but cheaper, and less of a drive.

To be honest though, after a fortnight of sleep deprivation and child wrangling, I'd have eaten roadkill in a lay-by just to give me two hours alone with my wife. So thank you, Mum & Dad, you've saved another marriage, and made two (slightly) older parents very happy. Can we do it again tonight?