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Friday, September 28, 2012

Toby's experience at the doctor's on Wednesday left him red-faced, angry and deeply unhappy. Which was pretty much the effect the surgery had on Lisa yesterday.

Since our second child was born, Lisa and I have had lengthy discussions about the best way to ensure that this never happens again. And having weighed up the various options, and read numerous leaflets I've stolen from health clinics across Sussex, we (by which I mean Lisa) decided to opt for a contraceptive implant. It's a lot like a breast implant, but it makes you even more attractive to men.

So she phoned the surgery last week and told them what she wanted. They made her a double appointment with the only doctor trained to fit them, and Lisa duly arrived at 9 o'clock yesterday morning to be implanted. Despite having only just opened, they kept her waiting for a good half hour, but she was eventually called in, whereupon the doctor asked her why she was there. She said "For a contraceptive implant". To which the GP replied "Have you got it with you?"

Apparently the doctors don't stock the implants themselves. They give you a prescription for one, and you bring it along yourself. It's a bit like taking a scalpel to your own operation. Unfortunately the receptionist didn't mention that when Lisa phoned, meaning that her entire trip was a waste of time. She left as fertile as when she arrived, with another appointment for next week.

It's particularly annoying because I'd taken two hours off work, and got up extra early in the morning, just so that I could look after the kids. I thought I was on a promise. And childcare for next week is more complex. I start my jury service on Monday, so unless I can persuade Judge Judy to mind my two kids, they'll have to play doctors and nurses at the surgery.

But still, by this time next week, we should have Lisa successfully implanted with drugs. She'll be a lot like Big Sis's shed.


A Passer-By said...

And how many children are you planning to have??!!

Peter Chapman said...

I'll look after them!

Phil said...

That's either incredibly kind, incredibly foolish, or both. I'm still waiting to hear back from Jeremy Forrest, but you're definitely on the shortlist.

Peter Chapman said...

 Without researching, I bet Jeremy is some sort of child killer.

Phil's Mum said...

Just renowned for collecting them, Peter, but he may not be free to help out at the moment.

Phil said...

He's very caring towards young girls, and is likely to get Amelie closer to EuroDisney than we'll ever manage.