Just look at those sweet, impressionable young children...

You'd never believe they were helping to spread Islam throughout West Africa.

Yes, at first glance, Amelie and Toby might appear to be doing nothing more than sitting on a sofa with a pair of pink fluffy earmuffs, but in reality they're striving in the way of Allah, and raising money to build mosques. Which is what happens when I take a morning off work.

When I had my car serviced just after Christmas, they informed me that the tyres were almost as bald as I am, and advised me to get them replaced within the next couple of months. Naturally I like to tread carefully when it comes to the grip on my tyres, and I don't want to end up in hospital when I'm driving to a clinic, so I booked half a day's annual leave this morning to get them fitted. Kwikly. At the branch in Lewes Road.

I'd booked in my car online, and chosen a set of Italian nitrogen-filled Marangoni tyres which are specially reinforced for carrying fat people like myself. They were about two hundred pounds. As, indeed, am I. So with the sun shining, and the wind freezing my face off, I took Amelie out for the morning to sample the delights of a Kwik Fit tyre centre.

She wasn't that impressed. Although she did like the hydraulic lift which raises your car up to head height. She'd have liked it even better if we could have stayed in the car. So rather than hang around for an hour while the mechanics did their job, the two of us headed along Lewes Road to look around the shops.

Which is how we became embroiled in an Islamic uprising in West Africa. It transpires that there's now a charity shop in Brighton which aims to Strive in the Way of Allah by supporting good causes in Sierra Leone. And what's more, they sell ear muffs. Ordinarily you'd have to go to Timbuktu to find a good pair of pink ear-warmers, but today I was able to buy some from an African Muslim. And she only charged me a pound. Although with the exchange rate the way it is, that should fill a school with Korans.