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Saturday, March 09, 2013

I don't want to count my chickens...


... but I think there's every chance we can persuade Z to look after Amelie full time. And judging by the way Amelie burst into tears and started sobbing that she wanted to stay longer as we forcibly dragged her towards the car, I don't think she'll need much convincing either.

Anyhoo, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we didn't have a lovely time in Suffolk. But the good news is that we had a very nice time in Norfolk. Which is what happens when you don't realise what county your friend lives in. As it turns out, Z and the Sage reside in Norfolk, but close enough to the border that if the socialists of Suffolk ever erect a wall to keep out the Diss respectful, their house will be the equivalent of Checkpoint Charlie.

Since Thursday afternoon, Lisa, Amelie, Toby and I have been staying here...


... whilst hoping they wouldn't notice that I'd driven my car into their hedge. The Zedary is actually a gorgeous Tudor house which dates back more than four hundred years to a time that even Lisa can't remember. It's all oak beams, low doorways and hidden staircases, built by people without access to spirit levels. And it's been furnished by the Antiques Roadshow. It's the kind of place where Amelie could do five grand's worth of damage with just one performance of Gangnam Style.

But despite our potential to wreck both their house and their lives, we were welcomed warmly into their home, and provided with some top quality cooking. To be honest, Z's home-cooked food was one of our main motivations for going, and we weren't disappointed. Having dined on steak that first evening, we woke up on Friday to a breakfast of bacon, sausages, tomatoes, and the freshest eggs known to man...


Amelie personally retrieved those from the hen house. Which is currently a large greenhouse, occupied by about three dozen bantams. In addition to those, Z and the Sage are fostering a friend's dog at the moment, and they also have a cat...


Just look at those fearsome teeth. I can't believe the dentist said I've got receding gums.

Anyhoo, I'm not saying our friends are competitive, but whilst Stefan & Andrew have a lot of leopard-print cushions, Z's got a stuffed leopard. So that's one-nil to her. I was also treated to a demonstration of their coin-operated antique music box, which is the size of a grandfather clock, and plays The Blue Danube from a metal disc that looks like a holy cymbal. That was shortly after hearing a one-hundred-year-old record on the gramophone, and seeing the Sage's first ever pay packet, which had been framed by his mother in the 1950s.

To be honest, you could spend an entire fortnight getting lost in all the interesting curiosities and their accompanying stories that are contained within the house, but if you're Lisa, you can just get lost within the house. Even after two nights there, she still needed me to guide her towards the bedroom, and this morning she walked into the porch thinking it was the kitchen. As for the back stairs, she never worked out where they went, and assumed that Amelie's ability to walk out of one door and back through another was primarily down to witchcraft.

Anyhoo, people who say the East Anglian landscape is flat and featureless, don't know what they're talking about...


It's actually surprisingly lumpy. Amelie and I accompanied Z on her morning dog-wrangling adventure yesterday, and it was like walking on a field made from one of Lisa's sauces. The details of that little outing are far better related on Z's blog, but to prove she's not making it up, here's a photo of Ben doing a bit of Swan Upping...


By some miracle, we managed to get our party back home with only minor water damage to the dog and a mild case of cholera for Z, but that wasn't the only miracle we encountered...


There's a cow beyond that bridge who appears to be walking on water. I know the cream always rises to the top, but surely that's a bridge too far.

Anyhoo, with dogs walked and eggs collected, I gathered up my family and headed to the big smoke of Norwich for the afternoon. We'd failed to fit Toby's buggy into the car for this trip, so it meant me strapping him up in the simulated pregnancy suit...


That photo comes courtesy of the Mothercare security camera. Which was being operated by Amelie on this occasion.

We spent an enjoyable afternoon strolling around Norwich city centre while I developed a bad back and severe shoulder injuries, after which we returned to the Zedary for another gourmet feast, this time of salmon kedgeree and a baked lemon dessert. I was tempted to ask for both recipes, but it might just be easier to go back on a monthly basis.

If they'll have us, that is. Amelie and I managed to set off the burglar alarm this morning whilst searching for one of Toby's spoons, so having got our hosts out of bed earlier than expected, and risked a visit from the police, we decided to make a swift getaway. After we'd had third helpings of breakfast. Amelie had been remarkably well-behaved in Z's company, which was company she clearly enjoyed far more than our own. She made a point of abandoning us at every opportunity, so that she could go and chat to Z. But once back in the car with her parents, it was naturally a different story.

We drove back down to Brighton this afternoon, with our daughter playing up in the back seat. And out of the back seat. At 70mph. Lisa told her quite firmly that if she doesn't sit still and keep her seatbelt on, she'll end up being killed. And added that "Once you're dead, there's no coming back".

Unfortunately Amelie's got an answer for everything. She looked Lisa in the eye and replied, "But Jesus will bring me back to life".

Though not if he's got any sense.

6 comments:

Phil's Mum said...

Honestly, I am NOT responsible for that bit of religious education.  Am even more glad that you made it home safely though.  What an amazing contrast between the Zedery and a Brighton council flat!

Zed said...

It was lovely to see you and I hope you will come again soon.  I didn't ask how many times you hit your head on the small doorway but hope you weren't too dented.

Amelie is delightful company, I didn't want her to leave any more than she did.

A Passer-By said...

and there, Phil, is the offer of permanent child-minding services and the monthly slap-up meals that you were looking for!!

Dave East said...

I was in Norwich then, and would have been stunned to have bumped in to you as I don't read blogs as often as I should these days.

You failed to photograph the Great Wall of Norfolk.

Phil said...

I did photograph it, and was impressed with its workmanship, but I wasn't sure this blog was ready for a thing of such beauty, so I went with the picture of me with a leopard instead.

And you were on our list of Things to Do in Norfolk, but like most of the other items, you remained unticked at the end of the two days. We'll put you down for our next visit.

Dave East said...

 We may be visiting Brighton some time this year.