He's having the time of his life at Peppa Pig World. To be honest, it didn't matter if I was playing the Big Bad Wolf in Red Riding Hood...
... or Morgan Freeman in 'Driving Miss Daisy'...
... I had a whale of a time last Friday. Although I slightly regret not blacking up for that last role.
Our day at the Paultons Family Theme Park didn't revolve entirely around me of course. There was a certain little lady who wanted to go there too. And having watched her dart about from ride to ride, whilst stuffing her face with ice cream, candyfloss and doughnuts, I'm pleased to report that she thoroughly enjoyed herself.
But enough about Lisa. The important thing is whether or not Amelie had a good time. And for a while, that looked in doubt. Since our visit to Nickelodeon Land eighteen months ago, Amelie's been asking when she can go on a rollercoaster again, and for the past fortnight, she's been telling me that her first ride at Peppa Pig World would be one such beast.
Unfortunately they don't have any. In reality, Peppa Pig World is a triumph of marketing over substance, and consists of just seven rides. One of which was closed for maintenance. You don't buy a ticket for Peppa Pig World, you buy a ticket for Paultons Park, and the pig sty is just one corner of it. It's what you might call a theme pork. And it certainly brings home the bacon. On a cold rainy day in March, the rest of the park was deserted, but Peppa Pig World was still pulling in the pushchairs with a steady stream of pre-schoolers and toddlers.
Our seasonal assault on Peppa involved a short walk through the rain past some non-porcine attractions, and that's where Amelie spotted a rollercoaster. Named 'The Stinger', it's appealingly styled to look like a caterpillar, thus drawing in small children, only to sting them with a bit of post traumatic stress disorder. Amelie asked to go on it, and to be honest, it didn't look too scary, so with no queue whatsoever, I happily accompanied her on.
Fortunately she was all smiles and excitement. Right up until the first bend. At which point she burst into tears, started screaming, and said she wanted to get off. Which is not all that easy on a rollercoaster. After the first circuit, she breathed an audible sigh of relief... only to burst into tears again when we went round for a second time. As we staggered off at the end, she turned to me and, through her sobs, said "I think I was too small for that ride".
Fortunately she's not too small to be picked up by her father...
Although she's on the verge of being too big. I think my face is swelling up under the strain. Another thirty seconds and I'd have keeled over with an aneurysm and taken Peppa with me. So I let her chat to George on her own...
Anyhoo, the good news is that having been stung by the Stinger, you can't beat the anti-histamine effects of a couple of unemployed actors in pig suits.
Pausing only for a medicinal latte, we made it to the saftey of Peppa Pig World at midday, just in time for the noon outing of Peppa and George. Disneyworld has the Main Street Parade; Peppa Pig World has two furry piglets and some decking. It might not seem like much (and let's face it, it's not), but it was enough to put Amelie back in a good mood, and before we knew it, she was over her trauma and climbing back on the horse.
Which in this case was a dinosaur. Amelie tried every ride in Peppa Pig World, plus a few others aimed at small children, but her undisputed favourite was George's Dinosaur Adventure. Mainly because she could go on it alone. In fact, they insisted on it. Having measured her at the entrance, the staff declared her too tall to go on the ride with me, and before I knew it, she was mounting her own dinosaur and disappearing off into the distance. Not even Lisa could catch her...
Before long, Amelie and I were going up in the world, and looking down on Lisa and Toby...
... which is something we both do quite regularly, and by the time the rain really kicked in, we'd been on helicopters, boats, tractors, trains, cars and hot air balloons. Although, as this video demonstrates, you're always left wanting more...
Suffice it to say, I did buy her that candyfloss. And in return, she let me go on one ride. Yes, as the rain tipped it down and the park prepared to close, we finally made it out of Peppa Pig World and into the more adult-themed Paultons Park, where I managed to fit in one, solitary, rain-soaked thrill-ride...
I was the only one on it. Which proved to be just as well, as I thought I was going to throw up. Amelie called me "The Amazing Flying Man", but in reality I was as sick as a parrot.
3 comments:
You were VERY brave!
I told you I was a man's man.
The punishment for a artificial vagina party! He also theorized that the soul entered
the living matter of a couple, I will post some really good adult companies
to purchase sex toys from, these will be Extrapone Nutgrass
Underlying. Once your sex organs are the
duct system the vas deferens until the sperm containing semen appears.
The Excellent artificial vagina 1929: One particular with the
renowned Salvador Dali posters and viewers hardly even notice its existence.
Those who like westerns would like them, too.
My blog post - fake pussy
Post a Comment