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Thursday, March 14, 2013

With the recession biting and our belts tightening (in more ways than one), I've always thought that the closest Amelie's likely to get to soaking up the Med sunshine is when the doctor puts her on anti-depressants, but against all the odds, I'm proud to say that I've now taken her to Turkey...



And it looks good enough to eat. She's just pointing out where the stuffing goes.

As it happens, Amelie and I weren't the only ones talking turkey yesterday afternoon. Big Sis returned from London with the aim of spending an hour or two in her dining room, chairing a transatlantic conference call with two dozen Americans. And despite loving my children like her own, she was somewhat reluctant to do it against a backdrop of screaming and arguing. So having discussed the possibility of taping Amelie's mouth shut, I eventually agreed to take her out for a few hours.

After researching 'fun things to do in Wiltshire' on the internet (that didn't take long), we ended up at The Hope Nature Centre near Trowbridge. It's a charity which provides employment for young adults with learning difficulties, and they have a range of small animals, plus a tearoom with cakes, so it seemed like the perfect place to visit. We left here at lunchtime, and were soon at one with nature. Although it was closer to two by the time we'd missed the sign and done a u-turn in Southwick.

Here's an animal with the potential to bite and kick...


And the pig's no walkover either. Unfortunately, my pork photography got the chop shortly afterwards when a ham-fisted member of staff shouted across the park to accuse us of something far rasher. Apparently we'd walked in without paying.

Now, I accept no responsibility for this whatsoever. I'd failed to find any mention of entry fees on their website, and when we arrived, all I saw was a small shed with big signs advertising ice cream and cold drinks. I'd deliberately looked for somewhere to pay, and found nothing, so I assumed I'd just make a donation on the way out.

Naturally I was wrong. It transpired that just around the corner from the massive sign saying ice cream, there's a laminated sheet of A4 which reads "Adults £2, Children £1". Or it would do if it hadn't completely faded in the sunlight. Frankly it tests your mind-reading skills more than your literacy.

But having paid our dues, and shrugged off the disapproving glances from people who thought I was too tight to give three quid to charity, I went the extra mile and bought some animal food, after which we embarked on a bit of a feeding frenzy...



That's Amelie cutting her teeth on a rabbit before tackling the world's biggest bully goat...


If things continue like that, they'll end up with six bags of bones and a goat that looks like a hippo.

Fortunately, however, that goat doesn't get all the attention. We were lucky enough to get chatting to a friendly young goatherd who let us get up close and personal with a horny young female called Storm, and offered to demonstrate the meticulous training which has resulted in her acquiring the ability to jump up on command in return for a mint...


It's enough to get your goat. I wouldn't mind, but thirty seconds later, she spotted the bag of food in my hand, jumped straight up at me, and left mud all down my coat.

Anyhoo, after a swift game of My Little Pony...


... we soon abandoned Hope Nature Centre, and headed into Trowbridge (or, as Amelie called it, Drawbridge) to look around the charity shops. Parking in Trowbridge town centre costs 50p for two hours, which is enough to make anyone from Brighton faint with incredulous shock, and what's more, it was a sound investment. Not only did I buy Amelie a cuddly cat for two quid, but I found a Gieves & Hawkes shirt in my size for only £3.99. It's £125 on their website. So I'll either wear it or sell it on eBay.

1 comments:

Phil's Mum said...

What's Big Sis doing returning to her own home on a Wednesday and forcing you out into the cold?  Did Lisa and Toby stay home and pretend they weren't there?