My life has begun...

And thanks to a possible case of dyscalculia at the bakery, I've got a cake designed for a 4-year-old. As Amelie said when she saw it, "Only a child would like that cake, Daddy".

But fortunately I'm a big kid at heart, and I love it. Particularly the brown bits around the sides. So big thanks to my Mum for slaving away over a hot credit card in order to get it for me. It's fab. And it's also half-eaten. I've been up since seven.

Anyhoo, there's no better way to see out your thirties than with the people you love, so I spent yesterday hanging out with waiters, chefs, and anyone with access to food. But I also spent some quality time with my friends and family...

Lisa had hired a personal bodyguard to stand behind her all day in case of any unexpected attacks. She has a tendency to close her eyes in photos, so she wouldn't see it coming. And yes, that is a gun in his pocket. Although he was quite pleased to see us as well.

Yesterday was actually Toby's baptism, and as a god-fearing family with catholic tastes, it gave us an opportunity to dress up in our Sunday best and head down to church for a good old-fashioned knees up. And knees down. Frankly, I had no idea when I was supposed to stand, sit or kneel, and Lisa basically had to prod me in the ribs every time, but I somehow got through the service without offending an entire religion. I think.

We did have the odd moment of panic, such as when we proceeded gracefully down to the font of the back of the church, only to realise that we'd left Toby's shawl in the pew at the front. I was forced to run the entire length of the church like Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code. I'm also slightly concerned that I've snuffed out Toby's everlasting life. The priest handed me a lit candle halfway through the ceremony, along with a speech about the eternal light of God never being extinguished. But I was worried about hot wax dripping onto my hand, so I blew it out.

Obviously if Toby relies on me, then we're all going to hell, but fortunately he's got some cracking godparents to call on...

With such an important role to fulfil, we selected them primarily on whether or not they'd agreed to adopt one of our kittens. But Marie's allergic to cats, so we let her in by default. The others are Stefan, Andrew and H (not from Steps). Lisa's sister is a godparent too, but she'd popped out to buy a loaf of bread, so she couldn't be in the photo.

My extended family were there too, but unfortunately you can't take them anywhere...

They're more happy-clappy than high church, and they're clearly leading me astray. I'm scared to enlarge that photo in case the priest is looking out of the window.

Anyhoo, unlike our wedding, the baptismal service went without a hitch, and we celebrated the removal of Toby's sin with a bit of gluttony in the church hall. Between us, we managed to get through one and a half cakes and three bottles of Shloer, which was enough to put a smile on Amelie's face...

She was also particularly pleased because Stefan and Andrew had just presented her with a ballerina music box from Pointes et Merveilles in France, which has instantly become her most treasured possession. Toby tried to touch it last night, which prompted her to shout "No, Toby! That's very precious to me!". She sounded like Gollum with a ring.

Fortunately, Toby received a few keepsakes of his own, most notably a ride-on rocking bear, which is the kind of item I wish they'd make for adults. We can do bare back riding, but it's not quite the same thing.

After a successful morning in church, our heavenly godparents departed en masse, and my family insisted on taking me out for a birthday lunch. It would have been rude to decline, and I'd only had two large pieces of cake, so I politely accepted, and we headed straight down to the marina for something a bit more healthy...

Unfortunately, with our birthdays only one day apart, I was forced to share the occasion with my son...

But today's a different matter. I'm doing exactly what *I* want to do. And I want to go and see 'Monsters University' at the cinema. Fortunately, Amelie's agreed to take me. That girl is selfless to the extreme.