I've just finished my tea, which today in the Gourmet House of Phil consisted of Co-op Breaded Fish Portions on a bed of tomato ketchup, served between two slices of bread. In the words of Glyn from Big Brother, "I've learnt how to make a sandwich". Being a careful and discerning shopper, my sole (no fish pun intended) reason for purchasing said portions was because of the attractive photo on the box. The list of ingredients didn't come into it. Which is a shame, because it meant they'd been under the grill for a good ten minutes before I found this...


53% pollock? My fish portions are only half fish? What's that all about? And are there five more mouth-watering words in the English language than "Egg Powder (from caged hens)"? But still, I've eaten them now, and I'm happy to report that I couldn't taste the diacetyl tartaric acid esters of mono. Of course, when the allergy advice below states that they contain fish, they're technically only half right, but even so, it's good of them to warn people with major fish allergies that they might want to avoid eating Breaded Fish Portions.

The front of the box, meanwhile, proclaims...


So it's officially a load of pollocks.