Some people have gone to Germany to watch today's England match. Some will be gathering in front of giant screens in city centres. Others are heading for the pub. But personally I'm driving down to Brighton to watch it on my own in Lisa's bedroom. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Naturally Lisa won't be there, because (a) she can't stand football, and (b) she's heading across town to see another man. Yes, that's right, Elton John is playing Hove Cricket Ground this afternoon. It gives new meaning to the words 'out', 'wide' and 'batting for the other side'. Tickets start at a very reasonable sixty quid, although some people are on the pitch, they think it's all over, and they've only paid £40 for standing room.

Kick off for both events is 4pm, so I presume Elton's not a big football fan. Lisa, on the other hand, is a big Elton fan. In fact she's so keen to see the great man that she's refused point blank to buy a ticket, and has chosen instead to drop in on an old friend whose flat overlooks the ground. After all, why waste good money on a ticket when you've got an open window and a pair of binoculars. She's the Lee Harvey Oswald of pop music.