Well I made it down to Brighton yesterday, but I'd like to know what the world and his wife were doing out on the roads of south east England on a Thursday afternoon. I've never seen the A12 and M25 so busy. It's been suggested it was the crowds flocking to (or more likely away from) the Suffolk Show, but I fail to see the mass appeal of a couple of cows and a turnip, so I'm putting it down to the date. The population of Britain clearly assumed that the arrival of Flaming June, combined with an official drought, would guarantee hot weather, and promptly headed out for a picnic.

So battling my way through the rain, I eventually arrived in Brighton an hour late and was immediately handed a baby. Who soon threw up all over me. I therefore swapped him for a crying toddler who wiped chocolate on my arm, before being collared by a 7-year old who wanted to play Mastermind. Lisa has far too many nephews.

Escaping down to the marina, Lisa and I got ourselves something to eat, and I generously allowed Lisa to go to the toilet on her own, thereby giving the local menfolk a chance to ask her out. She only got one offer this time, but let's face it - the walk to the toilets was less than 20 yards, and the place was pretty empty, so to attract a firm offer of a drink, accompanied by the comment "Hey, Gorgeous", isn't doing too badly. And it makes a change from being propositioned by policemen and Big Issue sellers. Although Lisa's not the only one who gets attention from the opposite sex - let's not forget that my lovely round head is enough to drive local women wild with desire.

So yesterday was filled with unexpected childcare. Today, however, has been completely different. This time I knew Lisa's nephews were coming round. So I've played a lot of Playstation, bounced a lot of baby, and wiped a lot of chocolate from my hands. I also drove Nephew Number One to Woodingdean and chased him up a hill. Unfortunately he ran back down, and I was forced to drive him home again.

Anyhoo, I've gotta dash. Lisa's been out enjoying herself tonight, so I need to fulfill my boyfriendly duties and pick her up. Possibly at arm's length from the floor of a nearby pub.