So like I said yesterday, it's always good to get post. Tuesday morning's mail was a bonanza of non-stop good news. First there was a letter from Bulldog Broadband telling me that BT still haven't activated my phone line - information which they themselves now admit is complete rubbish. Then there was a letter from the TV Licensing people, addressed to 'The Present Occupier', and headed 'WE ARE PLANNING TO TAKE FURTHER ACTION', which informed me that having ignored all their previous correspondence, "your address is now on our priority list and an Enforcement Officer is planning to visit you shortly". Which is nice. I always like to meet new people.

And that's just as well, because the bailiffs are due round at any moment. Yes, that's right, my third item of post was addressed to the previous tenant, and had the words "LEGAL ACTION IS BEING ARRANGED" clearly visible through the window in the envelope, just above a demand for £230. Naturally I could see all that with a single glance, and didn't have to hold it up to the light and jiggle the envelope around for ten minutes at all. That would have been wrong.

So clearly the TV Licensing people aren't the only ones after my predecessor's blood. The good news is I haven't brought my TV down to Brighton yet. The bad news is my Dad had a portable in my living room when he was decorating, and it's still there. Cue a hasty phone call to the TV Licensing headquarters, and a quick change of address. Meaning I now have no legal right to watch TV in Shotley Gate. But looking on the bright side, if the Enforcement Officer had turned up at the same time as the bailiff, the latter could have taken the TV and solved both their problems.

Anyhoo, having spent yesterday trying to hide my belongings from the debt collectors, I agreed to forego the football last night and accompany Lisa to Ma Potter's (Harry's Mum) for something to eat. It looked like a good decision, as they were running a 'Give Football the Boot' promotion, which stated "For the duration of the World Cup, have a free glass of wine with every main meal, in a football free zone". Marvellous. It's valid all day, every day, from June 9th to July 9th, so we were clearly in luck.

Unfortunately, in small print underneath it stated:

"* Offer applies to two or more females dining, when not accompanied by a male".

Is it just me, or is that slightly outrageous? We're not entitled to a free drink because I've got a penis. And moreover, if we'd taken Lisa's Mum with us, they'd only get a complimentary glass of wine if I agreed to leave. Admittedly, if I did leave they'd probably want to celebrate with a drink, but that's not the point. The fact remains that it's outrageous sexism of the highest order.

And I resented Lisa's suggestion that I tell them I'm a transsexual. I was worried they might believe me.