I knew this would happen. You spend eight years living in Shotley Gate, casually handing out your scripts to passing farmers, and writing dialogue on cows, without so much as a sniff of interest (even from those who can read); you then move to Brighton and get this e-mail out of the blue...

"Phil,

We're hoping to perform "Ledgers" at The Constable Hall, Gandish Road, East Bergholt on 23rd, 24th, 25th November 2006, hence this email to request costs of performing rights for those dates and printed copies of the script.

Hope to hear from you soon.

David Mitchell (East Bergholt Dramatic Society)"

For those unfamiliar with Constable's Haywain, East Bergholt is about eight miles south of Ipswich, and conveniently situated close to the playwriting capital of East Anglia, Shotley Gate. Unfortunately it's 120 miles from Brighton. But hey, the last time Ledgers was performed it was at a school in Chicago, so we're getting closer.

Anyhoo, they're already listing it under 'Future Plays' on their website, so they clearly haven't received my list of fees yet. When they do, they won't be able to afford a website.

But most significant of all is the fact that the recently-resigned shadow Minister for the Environment, Tim Yeo, lives in East Bergholt, and as MP for the area, really ought to support the community by attending evenings of culture by formerly local playwrights. Although I hope he comes on the 23rd, coz it'll probably close on the opening night. The point is, however, that if I play my cards right, this could be my way in to meeting Boris Johnson. And that, I think you'll find, is worth far more than the forty-foot banners with my picture on, and the plate of Cornish Pasties, which form an integral part of my fee package.

Anyhoo, I've got to dash. We did the Test the Nation IQ Quiz last night, and whilst I've been banned from revealing Lisa's exact score here, suffice it to say that she's now technically special needs, and can't be allowed out on her own. So I need to go and book a minibus to take her to work on Monday.