Two items of breaking Brighton news:

1. Someone was murdered on Sunday night outside Momma Cherri's Soul Food Shack, so all things considered, I'm glad I didn't take Lisa there for her birthday meal.

2. The star of this year's Christmas panto at the 200-year-old Theatre Royal, upon whose boards the likes of Sir John Gielgud, Sir Ian McKellen, and Dame Maggie Smith have trodden over the past couple of centuries, is...

... Chico from the X Factor. They obviously couldn't get Jade Goody this year.

But that aside, the summer is drawing to a close, so on Monday afternoon Lisa and I made the most of the September sunshine and went fishing on Brighton Pier.

And this is what we caught. Well ok, Lisa caught it - I was too busy being robbed of victory by the commentator on the Dolphin Derby continually announcing that I was in the lead, thus getting me flustered, putting me off, and making me miss all the little holes with my set of balls. Allowing Lisa to overtake me right on the line and win a fish. It was a travesty. I spent two quid on that game without so much as a cuddly octopus to show for it.

For anyone unfamiliar with the age-old sport of Dolphin Derbying, here it is being haunted by a ghostly figure in black...


Anyhoo, putting aside Lisa's fluke victory in a rigged sideshow, we had a nice time on the pier. I bought overpriced waffles and donuts, before wasting another two quid on the stack-the-boxes game, which frankly I deserved to win. Lisa meanwhile, wandered around with her fish, before putting 10p in a random machine and immediately winning 40p. Which she then used to buy me an ice cream in an act of sheer pity.

We also spent £2.50 at the 'Secrets in Your Signature' stall, which claimed to be able to read your personality from your autograph, using the power of computers. It basically involved signing your name on a bit of paper, which the girl with the vacant expression then placed on a scanner (which I'm not sure was even plugged in), whereupon a printout immediately appeared, revealing your precise character traits. Lisa, who is apparently domineering and brusque, also "enjoys gourmet food & luxurious surroundings". Which she claimed was accurate, before buying a greasy sausage & chips, and heading back to my flat. I think I'll ask for a refund.