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Friday, September 08, 2006

It's always interesting the things you discover on the internet when you're looking for something else entirely. Earlier this week, Lisa informed me that Tim Henman and Greg Rusedski share the same birthday - a fact I refused to believe on account of the fact that she'd got it from Southern FM's Nicky Keig-Shevlin, and by definition, anything which comes out of that woman's mouth is complete rubbish.

So having verified that Tiger Tim's birthday is September 6th, I entered the words 'Greg Rusedski birthday' into Google yesterday, and the third result in the list happened to be, a website where you can apparently "calculate the compatiblity between you and Greg Rusedski". Which is the kind of offer it's hard to ignore. As it turned out, any relationship between myself and Greg would be shaky at best, particularly on an emotional level, so having reported this information to Lisa, she insisted I find her ideal celebrity match instead.

The site claims to work on biorhythms, which naturally I dismissed as rubbish. That is until I entered Lisa's birth date, and it proclaimed her to be 97% compatible with Ralph Fiennes. As mentioned on this blog before, Ralph Fiennes has long been held by Lisa to be her ideal man. Particularly since meeting me. So the fact that he makes her top 5 list of biorhythmically compatible celebrities, out of a choice of thousands, seemed spooky to say the least, and was almost enough to make her jump on the first plane to Hollywood with a ring and a bunch of flowers.

So with a newfound belief in the scientific study of biorhythms, I entered my birth date. And...

Missy RightMissy Elliott. Whatever happened to Joan Bakewell, that's what I'd like to know? Apparently me and the Elliott are 98% compatible. The other 2% being the fact that I hate hip-hop and find her annoying. But I'm sure that won't be a bar to our love.

Anyhoo, Lisa went to bed early last night, so being a bit of a culture vulture with a taste for the finer things in life, I snuck out to the late-night showing of Snakes on a Plane. It's a film I've wanted to see since reading this year-old blog post, partly because I like the idea of 'snakes on a plane' as a zen koan, and partly because it reminds me of that old episode of 'Only Fools and Horses' where Del pitches his idea for a movie called 'There's a Rhino Loose in the City'. It's a case of art imitating art.

Anyway, 'Snakes on a Plane' was indeed a classic of the genre. The genre being 'serious films which are laugh-out-loud funny'. I particularly liked the bit where they tossed the pet dog to the python in first class. It was top quality. So I returned at midnight, full of popcorn, and very tempted to wake Lisa with the words "I have HAD it with these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!"

But I didn't. Some things are best left unsaid.