I don't know what I was thinking yesterday. Of course I'm not going to look like Victoria Beckham in my David Bitton jeans. Hers are white, mine are blue. They're poles apart. We might have the same level of sophistication and singing ability, but we're forever divided by an indigo dye. It's like trying to be Geri Halliwell without a union jack dress and an eating disorder.
But not to worry. There's always this bloke from the David Bitton catalogue...
The model's the one on the left.
In an ideal world, the bedsheet would have stretched across the whole of the picture (and possibly covered my face), but you can't have everything. The important thing is not to look like you're about to fall off the coffee table.