It's Julie Reinger in a bikini!


I've always wanted to see her dropped from a great height. And if she gets stuck, you can drag her around with the mouse. It's like domestic violence, only legal.

But annoying weathergirls aside, yesterday was Friday, so Lisa and I decided to be good by dropping in on her aunt and uncle to wish them a Happy Easter. It's always worth visiting people on public holidays because they're more likely to give you presents. And sure enough, I received two chocolate eclairs and a pyrex dish. I'm not entirely sure why.

As it turned out, Lisa's aunt and uncle celebrated their 59th wedding anniversary on March 12th. We had no idea. Though we should have done, because I mentioned it on my blog two years ago. I felt quite guilty. Especially as I'd already eaten the eclairs by then. Worse still was that Lisa's uncle informed me that on March 11th he'd had a fall whilst crossing the road, and hurt his hands so badly that he couldn't write his wife's anniversary card. I almost burst into tears. With a heart-rending story like that, he should go on X-Factor.

But anyhoo, I spent yesterday catching up on the household chores (I think I need a cleaner now I've started work), leaving me free to follow my true vocation: chucking an egg at a dyke. I'm planning to buy half a dozen eggs from Asda this afternoon, paint them tomorrow (possibly with portraits of my family), and roll them down a hill on Monday.

Having read the event details, Lisa's in two minds about whether to come (she's put off by the word '10:45am'), but she's entirely single-minded about the egg decorating. She's definitely not doing that. But even without her help, I think I can win. I'm already considering whether a free range quail will roll better than a Smart Price battery. Though if the weather forecasts are to be believed, my success hinges less on the aerodynamics of the egg, and more on its ability to plough through snow.