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Friday, November 13, 2009

Well the big comedy news of the week is that Big Sis has come back from Dubai with swine flu. She's the only person in the known universe who can visit a Muslim country with no pork and catch a pig infection. I wouldn't mind, but she's a vegetarian as well. She won't go near a plate that's served meat without marinading it overnight in Fairy Liquid.

As things stand right now, her symptoms include headache, sore throat and sickness, although the one that's upsetting her the most is the apparent loss of her suntan. Fortunately, as of this afternoon, she's got her hands on some Tamiflu. Although she hasn't taken any yet. She's worried she'll have an adverse reaction and grow a third arm. I'm not sure that's a recognised side-effect, but after the suntan debacle, she's taking no chances. Personally I've advised her to self-medicate by eating plenty of chicken soup. I'm hoping it'll give her bird flu.

As it happens though, I met someone today who was suffering even more than Big Sis. And I don't mean my old pharmacy colleague who I bumped into in a hospital corridor this afternoon. I'm sure she enjoyed seeing me again. It was actually half an hour later, by which time I was sitting in a boardroom with five retinal screeners and a consultant from the Sussex Eye Hospital. We were in the middle of discussing the possibility of getting Toxoplasmosis from a steak tartare, when we heard a loud clatter from outside the room.

Six of us assumed it was a porter knocking over a trolley, and decided to ignore it. The seventh chose to investigate. And it's a good job she did. It turned out that a young office worker had fallen down the big spiral staircase outside the boardroom and broken her foot. Our meeting had to be halted for ten minutes while she received first aid from an ophthalmologist and a retinal screener with a background in nursing. It's not the ideal end to your working week, but if you're going to break a bone, you might as well do it in a building full of doctors. She was soon packed off to A & E for an x-ray and some major pain relief. And to think some people don't believe in this Friday the 13th nonsense.