And the thing is, she's right...
Those jaws could have your arm off. I haven't seen anything that fearsome since the 1979 Punch & Judy show on Hastings Pier. Don't let the pretty bow fool you, I wouldn't go near that thing without Steve Irwin and a loaded shotgun.
But reptiles aside, the video above depicts the final moments of Amelie's 2011 Easter Egg Hunt, which took place yesterday lunchtime on a small patch of waste ground outside Big Sis's house. Sis had hidden thirty-six chocolate eggs amongst the weeds and parked cars, setting a trail which led all the way to a final showdown in the back garden, where Amelie would eventually meet her hero, the Easter Bunny. Or the yellow crocodile, as she called it.
As it happens though, that wasn't Amelie's first Easter Egg Hunt of the day. She'd already done a bit of grave-robbing that morning...
What with it being Easter and everything, I agreed to resurrect my Christian beliefs and rise to the challenge by attending church in the morning to watch Big Sis play the piano. 'Watch' being the operative word. Someone forgot to turn on the amplifier, so we couldn't hear her for the first couple of songs. The service was good (immediately putting it ahead of The Hourglass on points), and Amelie made it up on stage for a bit of dancing, but by the time they cracked open the wine and biscuits, she was rolling around on the floor and refusing to shut up. So Lisa and I took her outside for a breather.
Which is where she discovered the Easter Egg Hunt they'd laid on for the children after the service. Quicker than you could say 'death by chocolate', Amelie was running through the cemetery like a combination of Burke, Hare and Cadbury, gathering chocolate eggs left, right and centre, with me and Lisa in hot pursuit. We just needed a loudspeaker playing the Benny Hill music, and we'd have had a primetime show for ITV.
By the time we caught her, she'd eaten four of them. Which might have been ok, were it not for the fact that when the children came out of church, we heard them being told not to pick up more than three each, otherwise there wouldn't be enough. And they didn't know they were already four down.
People say you can't run away from God. But you can certainly walk out of a churchyard with your chocolate-covered mouth shut. So we made a swift exit, whilst praying we'd get away with it. I think confession is overrated.