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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Amongst the pain, anguish and trauma of the past couple of weeks, there's one victim who's barely had a mention. Our glass-fronted sideboard may never be the same again. Once Lisa got her teeth into him, smashed his face and broke his glasses, he never looked likely to recover.

But as a true victim of violence, that sideboard's been getting its own back ever since. Every time Lisa walks past it down the hallway, she's reminded of the trip she took on the eleventh, and it's a trip down memory lane that she'd rather not take. Our glass-fronted sideboard has come to stand for everything that's gone wrong in Lisa's life over the past three weeks, and it's doing her no good at all to keep seeing it. She was brought down once when she failed to walk past it, but now just walking past it is enough to bring her down.

So Amelie and I decided to make a humanitarian visit to some second-hand furniture shops this morning to look for a replacement. I've got two days off work for my birthday, and we're due at my parents' this evening, but this morning we headed over to Hove to browse for an untainted sideboard at the Martlet's Furniture Warehouse. On the way, we popped into work so that Amelie could test the strength of our new flooring by jumping up and down in the office, while I did a deal with the devil (which is no way to describe my boss) to ensure that I can make it to my appointment next Thursday. I've been granted two days sick leave in return for doing an extra clinic on Tuesday. So by Thursday, I'll need a couple of days off.

The deal was struck over a chocolate biscuit (for Amelie, not me) and we were soon on our way to Hove for some furniture shopping. The usually reliable Martlet's proved disappointing for what we were looking for. I wanted something cheap, well-built and about four foot wide, but with the exception of the moment I caught sight of myself in a mirror, I failed to spot anything which fitted that description.

Fortunately, the Emmaus Second-hand Superstore in Portslade proved more productive. We decided to look at dressers and free-standing wall units, in an effort to banish the memory of the old sideboard, so Amelie got out her tape measure and assessed a few possibilities...

Pine
That's the kind of furniture I pine for. Solid wood, well made, and only sixty-five quid. But sadly it was three inches too deep. Lisa would be cracking her elbow on the corner every time she comes out of the bathroom.

This one was the same price and the perfect size...

Cheap
... but if you're allergic to MDF, this one's a killer. I've never seen anything so cheaply made. Well not since I got my clothes out of the wardrobe this morning. It looks nice in the photo, but it was tatty, flimsy, and more likely to fall into Lisa than vice versa.

The third option was this...

Hmmm...
It was the right size, and the cheapest of the three at only £45. Amelie and I spent ages agonising over whether to buy it. Although she hid her agony well by running up and down the shop, shouting "LET'S MEASURE THIS ONE!" in a loud voice. In the end, I decided against it. To quote Roy Walker, it was good, but it wasn't right. For a start, it isn't soft and made of rubber, so in Lisa's world, it's a death-trap. I think I'll keep on looking...

10 comments:

Melee said...

Oh arses - I'd have given you mum's.We got rid of all the furniture last week. Sorry, Phil.

Phil's Mum said...

Perhaps you should just fill the space with bookcases.

Dave said...

Happy Birthday Phil. 

I was going to make the mirror joke too.

Dave said...

PS everyone is saying Happy Birthday to you over at my blog.

Z said...

I didn't see much point in saying Happy Birthday to you at Dave's blog.  So I came here to say Happy Birthday in person.

Phil said...

Don't worry, M. By the time Am had measured it, we'd probably have found it was the wrong size. And don't call me arses.

Phil said...

Thank you both!

jon the bassist said...

I think you should get Lisa a Tallboy for the hallway!

Anyway, Happy Birthday and hope you have a great weekend 

'old' friend said...

Belated Happy Birthday!

Captain Fargon said...

Happy Birthday there Phil... belatedly & from the wrong month, but with the best of wishes!