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Friday, November 25, 2011

Sponsor Me!After twenty-five days of hair-raising charity work, I've finally been asked by a patient if I'm growing this moustache for Movember. Up to now, it's been debatable whether or not I'm raising money for a good cause or simply attempting a bit of seventies retro chic, but clearly after three and a half weeks, there's no longer any doubt. No one would choose to look like this.

He was very polite though, and insisted that the moustache suits me. Which I think was his way of avoiding having to give me any sponsorship money.

On the subject of facial disfigurement, the good news is that Amelie's disease-ridden features are clearing up fast. Since being diagnosed on Wednesday, she's been sleeping much better, so it was clearly the worry of not knowing what was wrong with her that was keeping her awake. She's had two good nights now, and as of this morning, her spots are fading fast.

She must be feeling better too, because she appears to have retaken her position as head of this household. Lisa was using the computer yesterday and Amelie asked her to stop and do something else. When Lisa didn't immediately drop everything and let go of the mouse, Amelie walked up to her and said in a calm, yet deeply authoritative voice, "Don't touch that again or I'll throw water over you". She's also started using the phrase "For goodness sake", and regularly tells me off for deleting her iPad games to free up a bit of space. Only last night, she put her hands on her hips, tutted loudly, and said "Daddy! You deleted this game! You thought I wouldn't notice!" with a withering look on her face. I'm getting to the point where I'm terrified to cross her.

So in an attempt to earn some forgiveness for my transgressions, I took her out last night to Lidl. She's obsessed at the moment with the idea of 'going out in the dark', so I'm forced to take her out for a moonlit ride on my shoulders on an almost daily basis. Yesterday's walk took us to Lidl, and turned out to be a journey of discovery, because we found that they're selling these...

Lidl Moose Leg SteaksYes, I kid you not, Lidl are selling frozen moose legs for £9.99. The moment I saw them, I thought bloody elk, that's deer. I mean, let's face it, I'm willing to pay a fiver for their ostrich steaks and octopus, but a tenner for a leg of moose seems a bit excessive. They should have done a promotional tie-in with The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show to boost sales and bring down the price. I'm sure they're not averse to selling squirrel steaks too.

In the end, we decided against the frozen moose, but the good news is that I have now started my Christmas shopping. It was my Dad's birthday yesterday (I can't believe he's still alive), and in addition to buying him a high quality second-hand gift from a charity shop, I've also sourced a remarkably fine present for my Mum. It's a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle (she asked for one, I swear) and it features this delightful piece of information on the bottom of the box:

Call 999
So it's not a toy. And it's not a 1,000 piece jigsaw. But it was cheap.


Phil's Dad said...

If you want fresh squirrell steaks, you are welcome to catch one of the squirrells in our garden.   They should have plenty of meat on them as your Mum feeds them every day!

Phil's Dad said...

If you can't face killing and skinning a squirrel with your bare hands, there is an alternative -

Phil's Dad said...

It was reported in The Guardian, so it must be true!!!
   ... and I'm still alive  - just!

Phil's Mum said...

What's this ghost doing, monopolising your blog comments?

'old' friend said...

Belated Happy Birthday Phil's dad.