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Monday, November 14, 2011

Sponsor Me!I attended an infection control training session this morning which featured the key phrases "hacking your guts up" and "squitting through the eye of a needle". I felt like suggesting we all wash our mouths out afterwards, but fortunately the lecturer moved on to the subject of drinking alcohol hand gel, so it didn't seem necessary.

Having wiped down a few surfaces, I then followed that up with a health & safety lecture in which we were told, with no irony whatsoever, that the Trust is very hot on fire prevention. There was also a section on 'Safe Working at Height', which included this real-life scenario:

George Formby
Here's the uncropped version:

The Height of Bad Practice
When asked for a show of hands, I voted that to be bad practice, which I think qualifies me as competent to work for the NHS for another year.

On the subject of health & safety signs, I took this photo at the Clambers play centre yesterday afternoon...

You've Been Reframed
I think I'll reframe that and put it on the wall.

Sadly, that was the only picture I took yesterday, as photography is banned within the confines of the play centre due to the ever present threat of paedophiles and child pornographers. They did, however, have comfy sofas and free wi-fi, so the two hours we spent there were not only relaxing, but quite productive. I spent the first hour on my laptop, completing various useful tasks, and the second on my hands and knees, climbing to the top of an assault course in my socks, while my daughter berated me from above.

There was a tense moment when Amelie swung to the other side of a cargo net on a giant plastic ball, only to fall off and ask me to rescue her. Something I found difficult to accomplish without admitting to her that I'm too scared of heights, and couldn't cross that net without a blindfold and three sessions of hypnotherapy. But ultimately a good time was had by all. I conquered my completely rational fear of bumpy slides, and despite being touched inappropriately by a two-year-old, Amelie seemed to enjoy herself.

From there, we dropped off our daughter at my parents, before driving home to begin our forty-eight hour date-night. Lisa's currently preparing a romantic home-cooked meal for me in the kitchen. She hasn't said what it is yet, but I'm guessing it's a Loyd Grossman Korma.


Lisa said...

But so far only children are affected - you've got to take a chance in life.

jon the bassist said...

Lloyd Grossman Karma.
Offering inspiration and hope, in a selection of Italian, Indian and Thai sauces and through a range of motivational soups and breads, to be squitted through an eye of a needle.

Anonymous said...

I guess you'll be banning Lisa from cleaning the windows of the flat now then.

Dave said...

That was me.