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Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Sponsor Me!I was working in Haywards Heath today, which is always a bit difficult as it brings back memories of Black Monday, and gives me a panic attack every time my phone rings. To add to it all, there was an emergency dental clinic taking place down the corridor, so every time I managed to get teeth out of my head for five minutes, I bumped into someone who'd suffered that fate for real.

The room we occupy at the health centre is also used at times by Relate counsellors. It has a two-way mirror, which is handy if they want to move on from marriage guidance to dogging. There was no evidence of that when I arrived this morning, but I did find this new poster on the wall...

Heart to Heart Health Check
Naturally I took that as a direct order, and within minutes I was online and taking Relate's Heart to Heart health check. It's basically seven questions followed by the number of a good divorce lawyer. I answered them all truthfully and honestly, and duly received this result:

Congratulations - your relationship is looking very healthy indeed. Either you're still in the first throes of love or perhaps like many, you've discovered that relationships take time, commitment and open communication and you're reaping the rewards. The fact that you've done this quiz also demonstrates that you don't take your relationship for granted and you want to keep learning. If you want to make your relationship even better, have a look back through the questions to any where you didn't tick 'a' and consider what changes you and your partner might want to make.

I actually ticked 'a' to five of the seven questions, and 'b' to the other two. The answers marked 'd' feature statements such as "I don't feel very close to my partner and we rarely talk, except about essentials". So if you choose more than a couple of those, you might as well jack it all in and live the single life. Frankly I don't think I'd have ticked more than one 'd' if I'd been answering questions about my postman.

So feeling reassured that I have the perfect marriage, I e-mailed the link to Lisa and told her (in a non-controlling kind of way) to take the test. She replied an hour later to say that she'd ticked four 'a's, one 'b', one 'c' and - read it and weep - a 'd'. Frankly we haven't stopped arguing about it since. From the moment Relate congratulated us on our healthy relationship, we've been pretty much on the rocks.


Phil's Mum said...

Are you having a date night to make up?

Z said...

I've been married too long to take that sort of questionnaire.  I actually felt uncomfortable reading the questions, even though there were some As - but where they weren't, I didn't want to examine it.  

Russell would just chuckle if given the questions and refuse direct answers.  Though if he didn't mark A on the sex one, I'd throw him out the door.  No, I'd defenestrate him.  Actually, I may copy the link for my blog.

Phil said...

I've just looked up 'defenestrate' in the dictionary. I think it describes our relationship.

Dave said...

Mostly D, with the odd C.  But then, I am divorced.