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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Sponsor Me!Yesterday's blog post was actually written on Sunday evening, which is just as well, because by Monday morning, we'd had the night of the living dead and I felt like calling it a day. Not only did Amelie wake us up numerous times with big cries in the small hours, but I was struck down at 4am with a recurrence of my chronic prostatitis. I struggled into work (late, and with an overgrown moustache), but by mid morning I was suffering with a splitting headache, and feeling inclined to throw up over a retinal photograph.

So I came home early, in the hope of being well enough to rush myself into hospital this morning. Horsham Hospital, to be exact. I still feel a bit rough, but I did indeed make it up the A23 today, and carry out a clinic without being carried out on a stretcher. I soaked my moustache in soluble aspirin, so I could get a hit just by licking my lips. It seemed to get me through the day.

The good news, however, is that I'm now in a position to self-medicate with super-fruit. Having spent Saturday afternoon at Raystede, mingling with some dodgy looking animals from broken homes, I decided to spend the evening hanging out at Asda. It's basically the same, but with less chance of being rescued. So I was vegetating in the fruit aisle, when I noticed that they were selling boxes of four pomegranates for three quid, with one of these thrown in for free...

Arils Removal Tool
That's an Arils Removal Tool, and you wouldn't guess it from the photo, but it was the winner of the Fruit Logistica Innovation Award 2010. No, really. I must admit, I assumed 'Arils' was the brand name until I looked it up in the dictionary.

Anyhoo, it's a well known fact that I'm the biggest pomegranate fan since Persephone, but tragically I'm forced to buy the seeds in plastic sealed cartons due to an inbuilt inability to get them out of the fruit. Trust me, I've tried. But as the juice stains on my shirts will testify, I've met with limited success. So every week I buy the pre-packed trays at great expense and even greater personal risk. They have a habit of fermenting within five days, swelling up the carton, and exploding all over the fridge. Although some of my most intense moments of clarity have come after eating them.

So what I've been wanting all these years is a foolproof method of getting the arils out of the husk. And now, at last, Asda have given me one for free...

Looks great, doesn't it? Unfortunately the reality bears very little resemblence to the video. I was there for half an hour last night playing some kind of crazed game of Whack-a-Mole with a pomegranate. Either you tap it politely and get nothing, or you beat the living daylights out of the fruit and end up taking the pith. I think I'll save it for Red Nose Day and stick it on the front of my car.