Providing financial support to the terminally ill is all very well, but sometimes you have to adopt a more hands-on approach in an effort to help the sick and dying. So I personally answered an SOS call yesterday afternoon.

Fortunately, it wasn't so much a medical emergency, as an invitation to attend a meeting of the Southern Ophthalmological Society, but there were a lot of distress flares on display. And corduroy jackets. With elbow pads.

Well, ok, there weren't. To be honest, I think modern ophthalmologists have better dress sense than I do. I was the only one there in a cardigan. Luckily for me though, there was an outstanding Tan on full view in the front row, which deflected attention from my clothes.

Anyhoo, it was an interesting afternoon, not least when they discussed the case of a man who underwent treatment for a corneal ulcer which resulted in his tongue turning black. It was eventually discovered to be nothing to do with his eye surgery, and purely a side-effect of taking ciprofloxacin. Which is worrying, because I've been on that twice. Once when conducting biological warfare with a learner, and then two years later, after a stranger fondled my privates. I'm glad he didn't give me a black tongue too.

The other highlight for me was the presentation of a recent ophthalmic investigation which resulted in three stated conclusions, the third of which was: "Being without Wikipedia for 24 hours is quite debilitating". I felt the same on Wednesday. Frankly it was a nightmare. I had to ask Lisa who sang 'D.I.V.O.R.C.E.'.