Amelie's visiting her grandparents again this weekend. We're practising for when she's a teenager and we never see her. Obviously I could spend the time having a well-earned rest, and watching Britain's Got Talent in my underwear, but I'm actually planning to convert the peace and quiet into something far more productive by writing a serious article. In my underwear.

I was slightly dubious about the proposal I received from the private eye people of America, so I replied to them, pitching a completely different article. And to my surprise, they went for it. So I'm now writing 1500 words about something else. I've been told I can use diagrams, graphs and pie charts (mmm... pie charts), but sadly the only graph I like the look of at the moment is this one...

That's from the national online 'Test and Training' site. I'd love to mention it in the article (quick, before my average drops), but unfortunately it features the words "Welcome to Year 3 of TAT" in big letters on the front page, so I'm not sure it gives the right impression.

Anyhoo, I'm clearly trying to avoid writing the article by writing a blog post about writing the article, so I probably ought to get on. Unfortunately it's the Grand National this afternoon, and that means I'm contractually obliged to drop everything and continue the fine Whines tradition of tipping the first four home. Who can forget 2006 (everyone, which is why I'm linking to it), when I accurately predicted that Silver Birch would win the National at a big price. All I got wrong was the year.

So with that in mind, I've done my homework, studied the form, consulted a psychic and polished my pin, and I can now reveal that the winners of this afternoon's big race will be...

1st. The Midnight Club at 40-1. He was the favourite last year and finished 6th. This year I've got two quid on him at 66-1. It's madness of the highest order, and he'll be romping home at the end.

2nd. Neptune Collonges at 33-1. He's carrying 11st 6lb, which is what I've been aiming for for years, but despite that, he should finish in the places.

3rd. Giles Cross at 20-1. Improving all the time, no weight to carry, a good jockey, and stays longer than the mother-in-law. What's not to like?

4th. Becauseicouldntsee at 20-1. Fell at the second fence last year, but should make it a bit further this time.

I also quite like Cappa Bleu, but didn't put him in my first four, so he's bound to win now.